ichibaes's question (2)

Hi hi~ I would like to meet new people and also become friends with them! I'm into the yaoi and kpop shit so if you like any of those then please come through haha I'm also very open to anything so do not be shy about yourself :3 I do live in the USA so the timezones could be a bastard to us trying to communicate though uAu

My Twitter: itsAmanduur
My Instagram(s): 153_1998 and japvns
My Tumblr: ichibaes

I will follow back and will most likely hit you up first ;D just tell me who you are just in case~

Apparently, I have been rejecting every single one of them whenever they try to either ask me out on a date or simply asking me to hang out with them (obviously so that they can get to know me better and date me later). I don't know if it's because I have high standards or I'm just not interested in doing anything with them at all. I'm unsure about my feelings towards this most of the time because I would really like to date a guy, but I don't want to fulfill it since I am fearful of being alone with them and also not interested in ANYONE that comes my way. I've also noticed that I alwaayysss get irritated whenever they keep trying to have a conversation with me through snapchat or through text message. I even cut them off out of nowhere and delete them out of annoyance! I know it's a dick move, but I just don't want them to keep talking to me (even though I actually want a guy to talk to me like what the fuck??). I believe I have also noticed that there are guys who I talk to that don't annoy me (my friends basically) but there are some that do. They all talk similar and are chill with me but I just get irritated at some of them and I don't understand that about myself. Are my senses telling me that I shouldn't deal with some of the guys and are automatically giving me bad emotions towards them? I also do have heavy crushes on a few KPOP celebrities and anime men and I believe I got my ideal interests from them too so I believe that can be a factor to me rejecting because no guy can resemble my interests ||OTL I'm currently 19 years old and I understand that I still have a long way to go to think about men in a serious matter, but this has been confusing and bugging me lately.

Does this all make sense? Sorry if it doesn't since this is literally how complex my brain has been for a while and that's why I am unsure because it's all over the place ;A; I do have more that I want to say, but I think you guys got the summary already xD

What should I do? What should I think and believe? Should I just give a couple of them a chance? I'm honest with my feelings and I just... don't want to show fake care or focus towards them. Ahhhh I'm so confused!!