apricot lube's answer page 2 (96)

when i was 6 my mom was being rushed to the hospital because we thought she was having a heart attack and i had the absolute gall to say to her while she was absolutely wracked with fear: “don’t worry mommy, if you die, me and daddy will be okay”.   1 reply

fruity sex, fruity sex.   reply

my love and adoration for frogs   1 reply

i call aunty and she tells me she is out. what now...? i look at my god-forsaken child and they look at me. i swallow my child whole.   2 reply

no, i feel u. i grew up in a religious community and now i can’t even step into a church without going into a full-blown panic. :(   reply

thank u for more jerking material. u r a god, mua   reply

did u know that in the average human life span (roughy 70 years of age), a person would have shed no less than 77.3 lbs of skin cell excess up until that point.   1 reply

stop my family from moving so that we could prevent the event that drove us to homelessness that year. that was the starting point of a long, dragged out and fucked up downfall.   reply

“i will go and disappear obediently”   reply

me and my girlfriend will raise our dog children with the utmost parental affection and care. as for kids, wtf are those? can u eat them?   reply

“sorry bro can’t hang out today, my pet rock just died”   1 reply

im According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yello......   2 reply

if you want to be in a romantic relationship with a man but don’t want to be involved in sexual situations, you’re still straight. asexuality has nothing to do with who you like. if you don’t have any will to have sex but are still attracted to people (if not sexually so), you’re definitely asexual. if you weren’t romantically attrac......   1 reply

?? just kiss?? u guys don’t fuck ur walls???   2 reply

to the person who commented ‘so fujos don’t have the right to speak?’: no. they don’t. most fujos are straight cis women who aren’t a part of the lgbtq+ community and somehow assume they still have the right to participate and act opinionated in discussions they’re not and will never be a part of. it’s like someone who’s never playe......   1 reply

i suck the key out of the perpetrator’s asshole like sucking ice through a straw.   reply