Kisa-chan's question (4)

I just want to know... They are rare gems irl.

I am literally the living ball of awkwardness. No matter where I go or what situation I am in I can't help but feel this uneasiness sprouting within me.

For example, I am just walking in the mall or buying some food in the canteen (tons of peeps can be found in these places) I get totally conscious about myself. Thoughts such as: "I probably look weird and awkward right now so I should hurry up." Or "I should act normal". Another example is when a lot of people are paying attention to me or let's say public speaking. I can't stand their stares and then i end up doing and saying something ridiculous.

I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I am talking to a person (close friends included). I have trouble in coming up with new topics to talk about so I always end up just listening to them and smile (it depends on the situation tho lol)

Does this mean I have a social anxiety? Or am I just an awkward kid?

This question has been in my mind for quite awhile now. Well, most straight guys i know irl who tried reading yaoi were grossed out and said that it was too much for them. And me (a hetero woman) is fine reading yuri (i also read smut and stuff lol). Not just me tho, i am sure there are many straight women out there who also read yuri. My point is, if women can do it why can't men too? Is there a particular reason? Can someone explain it to me please?