ImUrJk's question (5)

So I am curious, for bi (girl) people out there, what's the difference when doing it???????? sometimes i can see myself doing it with a guy but with no feelings attached like, i just want the dick. On the other hand, I can't see myself doing it with a girl since I am straight washed but I can see myself be with a woman for the rest of my life. Huh??????????

I don't know any mature response to this. I value my friends so much but I pick the people that I want to form a bond with. There are people who said that I have a dominant personality cos I cary myself with confidence and don't let any person walk over me.

But because of that, I had a hard time forming genuine platonic friendship with male friends. You know what other people say, that women have strong instincts to shift of behaviors and possibilities. But when we were in 3rd yr, I got into a cirlce of friend that are very casual with each other and they were 2 men and 3 women. One of the men that belong to this group became close with me cos he seems chill and mature and we often talk about the topics we learned from our discussions.

Then, I have this acquaintance that I don't really define as my friend said to me that this male friend of mine was giving signs that he might have feelings to me. I FUCKING HATE THAT INFORMATION COS AFTER THAT I STARTED TO DISTANCE MYSELF COS I BECAME SO AWARE OF HIS SUBTLE BODY LANGUAGE! Even though he didn't directly confessed his feelings, but since then, that information strained how I view him and our friendship. Now what?????

I feel like I'm having a withdrawal. I uninstalled my Tiktok and online game apps because I'm hyperfixated with those things that my screen time averages to 9 hours per day since last day of May. i feel my brain is toasting everyday cos once I open my eyes and before i go to sleep, im always on my phone and it starting to cos me severe headaches and muscle pain. I'm already anemic and the lack of physical activity and sunlight for months would literally kill me in my sleep.

I thought the right solution is to delete the apps that I was fixated on but I'm still getting headaches but now I'm in the verge to throwing up.

I really like how this website uses fonts like using Arial on the trivial things and Times new roman fonts for details, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but the difference on how they use those two fonts were very helpful. Also, out of all websites that I used, this is the most organized and easy to use

Sorry for sharing this on the internet. I don't have the privilege to afford therapy.
Do you sometimes feel that people conditioned you to be guilty when they don't receive things or emotional compliments every time they did something for you??


Also, one time, while we were taking lunch, some asked me if I am depressed and I didn't answer since she's my mom. She didn't do anything about it and acted as she experienced worse than me. She manipulates and makes guilt trips to everyone. She also doesn't like Muslims and treats Gay people as entertainment. She loves to makes inappropriate jokes about them and it hurts me since I am a closeted Bisexual. I was an abused child until 14, and if I didn't isolate myself from them, they'll never acknowledge my feelings, not as they do.

I still love my parents, especially my mom. I accepted all her wrongdoings before because I want peace of mind in our house. I have the worse anger issue but because of them, I'm trying to control it so that I won't hurt them through my words. I never want to hurt myself but realizing everything they did, I want to run away. But they'll be sad when I'm gone. So please share some positive advice to make it until I finished college. That would be a huge help for me.