my ugly side(?)

yeah, its actually more enjoyable since i don't have to worry about what others are thinking, keeping up conversation, or talking about a boring topic (it's hard to change a boring topic if your friends are invested in it).
also i heard "you can only know as much of a person as they let you know". meaning you'll never really be their friends or soulmates etc. (idrk, lol i was disappointed when i found out my friend wants others attention, but who doesn't lol. i shouldn't have had such high expectation).

i wouldn't say im an introvert, more of an extrovert. i am sociable but i admit im REALLY possessive (and jealous? i have an inferiority complex) of my friends, so when i see a new side of them, or with a new person, or being praised by others, i just feel disgust and distrust , like they betrayed me, even though it's their choice to be friends with people other than me.
my ultimate goal (subconsciously): "be everyones best friends" (basically don't let them like anyone else other than myself).

...yeah its pretty bad.... then i blame others lmao.
--end of rant--

pS. it's just really hard being "alone" or express individuality when you're a girl in high school, especially with cliques.