Proud Fundashi and I like this friend...

Hi so I'm not really asking for an advice but rather, I'd like yall to read my "Sad love story". It all started when I was 15 when I realised I was gay. I realized that I fell for him on a certain occasion(Buwan ng Wika - it's an event here in the Philippines to Celebrate our language) and I was a representative for the "Monologue". My monologue ended up badly, and my bestfriend(1year together) let's call him Alex. Well I cried since my monologue ended up badly because I forgot some of the lines and had to get off the stage since I was embarrassed to the whole school. At back-stage, well, I guess that's when I realised I fell in love. He was very nice, supporting, and at the same time I felt safe within his arms. At that time I thought I can control these feelings if mine and keep it hidden from him. School and summer passed by and we're still close. Next School year, well at the start of the school year, I felt like my feelings were gone but when I saw him once again, it felt like it all came back to me. We weren't classmates anymore and he was hanging out with his other friends. Somewhere in August-October, we were gradually flowing apart. And so by November, I confessed... It broke me after that day happened. We never spoke after that specific day of November. December-January I was Sooo depressed that Alex easily discarded me. That's when I met some of my real friends.. And my 2nd guy crush... We'll hide him by the name of Paris. Unlike Alex, Paris is one of those popular-cool kids(dont stereotype coz some ppl stereotype the cool kids as rude or toxic or something). At that certain time, Paris was having a depression, since he made a huge mistake and now ppl saw him as an a-hole or something similar to that. The only reason why I talked to Paris that time is that he was a "Math genius" and me and my friends needed his help, well he sucked at science which is my specialty so I told him that I'd teach him if he teaches us math. And so we decided to study alongside with 3 of my closest friends(all 3 of them are girls.. All 3 of them are smartasses). Well he agreed since me and my 3friends are good in certain areas. One was good in Geometry, and the other was good in Foreign Arts, and my other friend was good in Araling Panlipunan. So he decided to agree since it would benefit him for the exam. And so On the day of the review, we decided to go at my house. And you know casual stuff, we studied but... This was the surprising thing that happened, It somewhat turned into a "Retreat"(reflection). We all had problems that we were dealing with, Paris, was being judged for the mistake he made, 2 of my friends had an argument but couldn't apologise to each other, the other one.. We'll she was fine lol, and I had depression over Alex. Then somewhat.. After that day, Paris became close with us.. And after that people in our batch, started talking about us on how we're trying to befriend Paris since he was down. But well, still we didn't care and we're still friends. And so, Summer occurred. Paris, decided to go to a different school since his brother forced him since His brother was alone in "Manila" (City). Well, after that well, our group were still close but when Paris left it felt like there was something missing in the group. Well, here's my 2nd love story.... After Paris leaving for another school, I would chat him from time to time, I mean coz we're friends.. Back that time I LOVED him as a friend, nothing more. And so, School started once again, but this time it was different because Paris was no longer with us. And so, it was fine, but apparently I still have lingering feelings to Alex... He wasn't just a "Love interest" he was my best friend... That depression was eating me and so, because of being a childish teenager, I stopped going to class. I became distant to everyone. And so, the teacher called my parents and of course I panicked, I accidentally confessed to my mom that I was gay and I was depressed. Which was cringey.. But of course that didn't help, it only made me feel more down, I wasn't ready to go out of the closet but I was forced to because my mom was so mad and I couldn't think of a reason on wut to tell her so, I told her everything honestly. And so, while being so depressed I saw Paris online. And U know since him and I were close, I talked to him and told him everything that I was going through(I was really comfortable with Paris). Then Paris told me, "If you want, I can chat you everyday if you want me to" and so... We became chatting buddies, and rn we're still chatting buddies we've been pming each other for more than 2yrs now, almost everyday without seeing each other for more thana year now. I confessed that I was gay and he was cool with it. He accepted me for who I was. I liked him ever since the day he told me that "I love you bro, even if your gay"(Long story short, after he changed school well he had to go away and so me and my 3 friends were supposed to meet with him and watched a movie but 3of my friends cancelled for no reason lol, it was like a date for me but I'm pretty sure it was like bros hanging out with each other for him). That day ended beautifully lol, We had to cross the road but since I'm stupid and I couldn't cross the road, he held my hand while crossing the road... I MEAN HE IS SUCH A MAN. I was so flustered since he was so sweet. I'M pretty sure that he didn't mean anything there but that really made me blush, after crossing the road he told me "You should learn how to cross the road"Ahhh, my heart was literally screaming in that moment. And we're here in the present. I'm deeply in love with him, and I'm planning to confess but at the same time, I don't want to lose him so I'm not really sure if I'm gonna confess or not. There are many other moments but I'd like to keep my message until here. To those who read it thank you.