Why attack people about yaoi?

hey! speaking as a queer person the issue with yaoi is the rampant fetishization of gay people and queer issues. rape, pedophilia and incest is uncomfortably common in this genre. i don't have an inherent issue with people reading/consuming it but i am always wary when a young person or a straight/cis person tells me they're really in to it. more often than not they've ended up sexualising same sex relationships, and real life people in ways that made me really uncomfortable.

for a lot of people stuff like yaoi is unfortunately their first exposure to gay people because it's still not super encouraged in mainstream media - but yaoi is predominantly made by straight women for straight women, or at the very least through a traditional lens thereof. there are exceptions, as well as plenty of straight female authors who make some really good content that doesn't exist at the expense of actual queer people and issues.

as much as people like to think fiction doesn't affect reality, it absolutely does - my own perception of how same sex relationships worked was skewed by yaoi, because that was the only content i found that featured those sorts of relationships. i know now that part of why i sought out that sort of content was because i felt represented in a weird way - i just wish that i had found something featuring healthier relationships.

i don't think there's an inherent issue with straight/cis people consuming lgbt content - quite the opposite, fiction is a great way to better understand groups you aren't a part of, but that's exactly why yaoi can be problematic. it's comparable to the way that some guys will go and watch lesbian porn only to turn around and spew homophobic shit at gay guys, ya feel? it's uncomfortable and frankly feels dehumanising, which is something the gay community has to deal with way too much already.

it boils down to me to staying educated, aware and critical of yourself and the media you consume. there's nothing wrong with reading yaoi for fun or self indulgence, but if that's the only way you interact with that sort of subject, maybe go do some research about it, or see if you can find some actually gay authors and writers. i know there's also a few public lists people have put together of actual healthy and decent representations of gay people on mangago, but again - a lot of it is made through a sort of straight female fantasy lens.

i do agree that people shouldn't outright attack others out of nowhere, at the very least people should be given one or two chances to be calmly corrected on their behaviour, but i can also empathise with the frustration behind it

there's a lot more nuance i could've added to what im saying tbh, and i've definitely not phrased everything here perfectly but i hope this explains it a little!