Can i stop being guilty about it?

I've willingly read some nasty stuff (i don't mean yaoi) and i would never, for no matter what, do it again. It haunts me every day and i can't forget it or forgive myself that I've enjoyed reading it. Is there a way to forget? Or maybe i deserve it? I don't think i can bear with this thought any longer and I can't tell anyone about it because i feel like i will disgust them.
Also have you ever been in a situation like that?

I am really sorry if there are any mistakes but im not native;;