psych ward, pain addict

went to a psych ward when i was 11 for 3 weeks after overdosing and trying to kms. i still would love to kill myself, and dont regret what i did. i know its not healthy lol, but idc right now. i've probably attempted suicide over ten times and constantly self harm (cutting, burning, blah blah) . i dont want to recover bc im really addicted to the pain of hurting myself and being hurt. idk why.