od - april 2024

i tried to overdose on 17 1/2 pills of clonidine, i think it was almost a full year ago, around april 24th. also my mom had hid all of my pill that I was taking at the time 'as punishment' so I snuck my pills back and decided to save them for an od later on if I really wanted to die. i remember thinking I was never gonna wake up again. at the time I was so disappointed that I woke up. my mom had grounded me and put me on heavy supervision (for very private reasons) and I needed to do these things before this time to get to do these other things like 'do my school' when all I did allday was read fanfics and fantasize that I was somewhere else and someone else. one of the things I had to do was shower, if you know depression then you know you had taking care of yourself. but anyways the day I attempted to od I had to shower I think I passed out 3 separate times and it didn't help that it was a hot shower. sometimes I still want to die, I sometimes want to slit my throat or maybe get in a car crash.