Do i have to even take care of "my" child?
This is a tough thing to say, but im a teen parent. Well its not even my child but unfortunately i have to be the one to take care of it even though i dont want to. Out of hurt and anger I had denied so much to take care of it and even wished it was gone. The baby is a result of "R" of my ex who had left me in life. if you know what i mean and im not saying any of this for some pity points but i just want to lowkey write abt my stuff. Share experience. I know he has no faults but i genuinely dont think i can actually have him but i feel so guilty that if i dont. He's still in adoption center and hasn't found a family yet. I feel sad for him but im still in school. Not to mention this baby lowkey gives me ptsd. Friends tell me its only matter that i should bec its technically "mine" too.
Messages
The moment your child was born, different kinds of guilt awaits u. Right now ur guilty of not being the one to take care of him. But even if u were the one to take care of a child u didnt even want, the guilt of failing to be a perfect parent or at least a better parent than how uv been so far will haunt u.
Personally, my idea of perfect parenting is gentle parenting so my kid can grow up empathetic and emotionally stable (unlike me n i got it from my mom; its a cycle that must be broken).
But even I as a mom who actually wanted to have my daughter in the first place lose my shit sometimes and unintentionally take it out on her [and my husband]. I don't hit her but the fact that she heard me screaming and shouting and felt any anger directed at her at all keeps me up at night hoping she won't remember any of it a core memory. All those times i walked out on her n let her cry by herself so i could take a moment to breathe and calm down so I could regain enough patience to calm her down too and clean whatever mess she made, I truly hope she forgets it all.
Every time i stray from my idea of perfect parenting and display any uncontrollable emotional outburst that she might internalize and copy, I feel waves of guilt for days on end. The fact that my shortcomings as a parent will probably manifest in her future self as emotional instability, anxiety, and etc is a heavy burden to bear. I mean, we're talking about being responsible for the issues this child will have to live with as an adult all because I as her parent couldn't keep it together when she was still young.
So even if u were to take care of ur son, its inevitable that you'll lose your shit from time to time and that comes with much later consequences in the future for your kid. But when ur at your lowest, can u confidently say you wont hit or shout at him too much that itd affect him in the future? With the fact that he is a child u didnt even want and a reminder of your SA, can u even love him and be patient with him unconditionally the way every child deserves? Bcos i swear ur gonna need every love u have for that child to calm urself down as quickly as possible to prioritize his well-being in times of super stressful events. So yea if u cant uphold any of that, that child might be better off for adoption.
taking care of a kid, you don't like will only hurt the kid foster care is DEFINITELY a better option
Fake
Leave me alone you disgusting cunt
You’ve suffered enough think for yourself this time…
You shouldn’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. If it’s too painful or you just can’t you can’t it doesn’t make you a bad person
Kids pick up on stuff like that it only leads to guilt for them. Do what’s best for you