STORYTIME i lost my two closest friends AM I THE PROBLEM

ok so ngl this happened a few months ago but MY FEELINGS ASIDEEEE this whole situation was so insane yallll

So i had these two girls n i was pretty tight with both of em one of them i met in my last year of middle school (12-13 years old) and was like my first real friend, lets call her T! she made me more comfortable with myself tbh but ngl she was an okay friend we just played Roblox everyday after school and talked sometimes it wasn’t anything special but it was nice because
I never rlly was close to someone for that long and was on a call for hours

fast forward a couple of years we both in different high schools n barely talk but catch up every once in a while n she lowkey ditches me and barely replies to my texts cuz she’s a “bad” Texter (KEEP THIS IN MIND FOR LATER) for her school friends but still calls me her best friend (lowkey started getting fed up w her atp but i held my tongue n kept being her “bff” Ig)
she had this business where she would read ppl’s tarot or smth n i was like okay ima be a good friend n spread the word and i told my closest friend at the time that i met in my second year of hs, let’s call her E, me and her trauma bonded sm she was literally me I fear n we had rlly similar interests

E and T have a tarot reading session and they both know that im close to both of em and they hit it offff like they both super close and it goes to the point where i see T always texting and replying to E’s messages while she would have me on delivered (literally wth i thought she was a bad texter??)

anyways i somehow get roped in and now we a trio and call like everyday after class and lowkey im the butt of the joke wayyyy too often and lowkey it was funny until it wasn’t i would feel so judged by them both now that i think about it and could barely even handle calling them everyday i was aight with E cuz she never rlly did me dirty even tho we did have some drama at one point but she always treated me equallyyyy but T would obv rely and talk to E more even tho i was apparently her bestie like pls

lemme hold myself accountable by saying i was lowkey a bitch to them both at different times now that I think about it i was going thru one of the hardest times mentally, physically, financially, literally everything was going wronggg i apologized for those times and maybe i wronged them in ways i don’t know about but i always tried to apologize if something was brought up but who knows maybe im being hypocritical and just can’t see my own faults it be like that sometimes

Anyways back to the story

It’s now wayyy later and T has a bf (who is the most vile guy ever i hate this dude sm im not gonna even air out their business but he was a creep n sm more) and T would always compare me to him when i would explicitly tell her not to on multiple occasions and make it clear that im uncomfortable but she still would -_- after they broke up and she got dumped i decided to rlly end it then cuz she would still do that when crying about him and i was gonna tell her the bad news lil while after the breakup set in but nahhh…. She squeezed it out of me when we were alone and i ended up telling her how i feel and how badly she treated me at times obv she was shocked and upset but i said my business and she thought me and her were just going on a break or smth but no. I was just waiting to stop being friends with her cuz everyone else i asked told me to just wait it out even E (she was lowkey dragged into this cuz she would always tell me what T would say and give me advice)

whatever anyways after E and me talk i told her that I don’t wanna be friends with her anymore if she wants to still be tight with T and gave her an ultimatum because nahhh i didn’t wanna be close with her knowing that her and T are still best friends forever yuckyyyy sorry some of u might call me immature or whatever but lowkey needed to protect my peace and I was fine with losing E if she wanted to pick T

E was like nah I choose u girl (keep in mind me and E go to the same college and have the same classes n plans so ig im the obvious choice but I was like ok if that’s what u want)
E is like yeah girl im on ur side and we go around telling her and my friends on campus about what’s happening (which was stupid yall never air out ur business to that much ppl esp ones that know the other person u talking about) like E lowkey was encouraging me to tell everyone n their mother about me not being friends with T and how hurt i was to our mutual friends??? Which was crazy

Anyways at this time I was also talking to this guy let’s call him P idk P is like super sweet and me and him met like at the beginning of that semester E is the one who told him i thought he was cute it don’t matter he’s not rlly relevant cuz me and him broke it off cuz I wasn’t feeling the spark (he would use TikTok pickup lines on me when I was off of socials and I would stare at him in confusion n he would keep doing that) whatever anyways me and him were still friends cuz he told me he was okay with us being friends so I was like ok if that’s what u want king n he was actually rlly sweet even as a friend he was like my support system during all of that he said he was on my side (guess what happened !)

but PRO TIP TO YALL don’t mix ur friends too much cuz usually smth bad happens and they all gang up on u

E suddenly pulls up and says that she doesn’t know if it’s fair to her to make her choose and I was like ok I said what I said girl if you want keep being friends with T just choose her even tho it’s gonna hurt me it’s alright

And a week later she makes it veryyy obvious and does do that and tells me she chooses T I was like oh ok

we stop being friends n she avoids me which is sad but good

don’t get me wrong I was sad for weeks but lowkey

life is awesome now without her idk why but I felt like being friends with her was holding me back

She wasn’t even an evil or bad person to me but E was basically someone I rlly bonded with at my worst and we were doing horribly but then she turned her life around and became this rlly positive and happy person who’s surrounded by ppl who all appreciated her while I was doing even worse than before
Idk why being around her made me feel inferior like I always had smth to prove to her and made me a worse person overall but now I feel free

anyways fast forward next semester the guy P ghosts me n clearly avoids me when I see him so I take the hint

N tell me why I see P following E around campus all the time now after a few weeks now yall this is insane

I wonder what they said about me in their close circle lowkey?? Cuz I think every friend I was cool with from HS stopped talking to me (E was supperrrrrr popular so makes sense)
well whatever I wish them the best