am I the only one with a draining sibling
I have an older sibling who is a major energy vampire. We live together still, but I distanced myself from her well for a few months, and focused on myself. We started talking and hanging out again recently, but she's been annoying me and I don't want her in my space anymore. She keeps coming in my room to talk about herself all day, about the same topics over and over again but nothing super important, I answer well each time and I don't ignore what she has to say. Still, she just keeps on going and going about the same thing and instantly changes the topic back to herself everytime I try and change the subject. I feel like shes just draining me because she needs constant validation for things in her life, and everything I did today she decided to do as-well like she never does her hair but decided to after I did, she also made an account for something I was openly interested in first, I also started to make some jewelry and she came into my room and then instantly went into hers and started making some, like I love her and I get that she could be mirroring me but I enjoy my peace and individuality, I don't want someone to do everything I do, it makes me feel crazy. She only comes and talks to me when she needs verbal validation for something, someone to vent to or a ride, its so exhausting because she never listens to a thing I say.
Messages
I feel you, but I also understand your sis. As an older sister I feel like she’s trying to be closer to you (via mirroring for example), but doesn’t know how to show it properly. Although her effort is a little bit excessive. I’m not sure what relationship you have, but can’t you try to open up to her in terms of like saying “I want my personal space”. You just need to explain your feelings that you want to be alone, she might not understand, but she can accept it because you’re family and because she doesn’t actually want to hurt you. I actually had a few fights with my little sister growing up because I didn’t know she didn’t want to talk to me at that moment. But my sister is fierce, so she just yelled at me usually to leave her alone when she needed alone time lol. I’m not sure how to deal with her not listening to you because I usually stop talking to people like that T-T. However, why not try to talk this one also? For example you could try to initiate a conversation about smth that you’re interested in or just say it straight to her face that you feel like she’s not interested in what you say. After all you’re sisters, but you can’t expect her to understand you. I personally think that she really cares for you and loves you, however it’s difficult for her to express it in a way that you would understand. So I think talking is the best thing you can do
I hope I helped somehow. Wish you good luck <3
I agree sm, after thinking about it I also feel like she might be trying to get closer because I pushed her away for a bit but I cant go back to the way we were before, Its frustrating because your advice is really good but she never listens to me and its the main reason why I pushed her away. If I do confront her shes gonna hold a grudge and make it seem like I overreacted, shes always undermined my emotions even when I would cry in her face, on my birthday she just sat in her room all day after promising me stuff even after I told her how hurt I was about how she treated me on Christmas. I feel like we both do love each other but I cant communicate with her any more than I already am ╥﹏╥
I think it’s alright if you can’t be like you were before tho. People grow, people change, relationships change. So sometimes you just need a time out. I had a moment when I stopped taking to my friends (like zero contact, no text, literally nothing) for half a year because I was mentally drained, I cried, voiced out my problems, but I felt like no one listened to me. But because I still wanted to have the relationship I gathered my courage and opened up a year later and luckily I was able to resolve all the misunderstandings and became even closer with them because now they were willing to listen. Sometimes you just need time to give you the support you need so that both parties can change and be ready for change.
I’m not saying you should stop talking to your sister, but if you feel like you’re the only one trying, and no one is listening to you, it’s better to let it go for now. I know it will be really difficult because it would feel like you’re ignoring your feelings. However, I think it’s actually a way to rethink your past and have personal growth . It always takes two for the relationship to flourish, so if you’re the only one trying, it will never go the way you hope it will.
I understand how sad and frustrating it can be when it feels like you’re the only one who’s trying to improve something.
So let time give you the emotional growth that you will need to improve your relationship in the future, be patient.
I don’t know all the details, but I really hope it will work out for you. I’m sure your sister loves you, but right now she’s not able to change, so give her time.
I really wish you all the best in your relationship with her
Thank youu, im happy everything worked out for you in your relationships. I definitely need personal growth and I've been trying, and really focusing on my goals and mindset. But ill take your advice and keep her at a distance for a bit until she understands my perspective of everything and I can stop holding pointless resentment towards her, I hope we can reconcile one day too but you're right it is a process and something to be patient for.
I’ve got the exact same thing going on and just recently figured out that my bad mental health has got to do a lot with her and it’s not even JUST me it’s my whole family that has to walk on egg shells when around her (meaning being careful around her). Every time someone does something a little off or wrong, (according to her) she quite literally blows up and starts insulting you and since she’s family she KNOWS where it hurts. Don’t even get me started on her hypocrisy like literally earlier today she was talking about how she absolutely hates when people get mad for some other reason and they take it out on you. I’m like no, people just don’t like your attitude *in my head bc who knows what she’d do if I said that out loud*. Anyways, she’ll say she hates that, then proceeds to do the same. Blowing up on people and being overly sensitive about stupid topics. Can never catch a break. Don’t get me wrong she has her moments where we have a decent time but man she’s always shifting the conversation and making it about her. She also complains that we treat her “bad” because she’s the middle child. That is no excuse for her constant gross behavior though. I could go on but dang, this has gotten long I get you though, honestly.
Sorry for the super late response ive been at work all day,but honestly I feel like were living the same life T_T, the middle child comment was spot on my sister says the exact same thing. I hope we can both get in a better mental space, siblings are so exhausting.
My sister has a friend who is the same as your sister- She isn't a bad person but she tries to copy everything my sister does, lol
I feel for her its a hard experience ╥﹏╥