Why can't some people forgive even when someone is trying to fix it?
Im not talking about psychological/physical trauma by the way but rather fights and misunderstandings that happened.
Forgiveness is a personal choice—no one has to forgive. But if someone genuinely regrets their actions, asks how they can make up for it, and is willing to do whatever it takes, yet the other person refuses and says “nothing” can be done… what is the hurt even for at that point?
If there’s no way to fix it, no way to make things right, then what exactly is keeping the pain alive? Is it really about the original hurt, or is it just about holding onto resentment?
"the damage is permanent and nothing can change" The key question is: If something is truly over, why does it still hurt? Pain lingers because there’s something unresolved. If they refuse to even consider reconciliation, then their pain isn't just about what happened—it’s about their choice to hold onto it.
"Effort doesn’t undo the past" that’s true, nothing can erase what happened. But the point of making amends isn’t to erase the past; it’s to change how things move forward. If someone acknowledges their mistakes, takes responsibility, and genuinely tries to make things right, that effort has real value. Rejecting it outright isn’t about protecting oneself from more harm—it’s about refusing to let go of an identity as the wronged party.
"They don’t want to rebuild, that’s their decision" but then why do they still care enough to be hurt? If they truly wanted to move on, they wouldn’t still feel resentment. Shutting someone out might seem like moving forward, but if it keeps them stuck in bitterness, it’s not really healing... it’s avoidance.
Even in the worst cases, healing is still a personal process. If someone wants to cut ties because they truly believe the relationship is beyond repair, that’s their right. But if they continue to hold onto anger while refusing resolution, they need to ask themselves: Is this pain helping me, or is it just keeping me stuck?
If someone truly believes a friendship shouldn’t come back, then their actions should reflect that. That means not dwelling on it, not bringing it up, and not using the past as a reason to keep hurting. True closure isn’t just cutting someone off—it’s learning to exist without the weight of what happened dragging them down.
Oh TLDR: Friendship ending cus of 1 fight and or few misunderstandings is ridiculous.
