I feel defeated
I'm sorry for ranting here guys but I don't have anywhere else to do this.
For context, I took a drop year to prepare for a competitive exam after high school (didn't get in the first time because of my carelessness and stupidity).
I see stories of people having a better time than me and feel jealous. Just yesterday night, I saw one of my friend's stories, she got into one of the top colleges in the country btw, and like, I feel so jealous but also so lost. I have always been lonely. I don't think I've ever posted pictures of me with friends on social media (except for with my childhood friend who's also a neighbour). I see these people having fun in college while I'm still here preparing for competitive exams, one year behind my peers. And maybe if my preparation was going good I wouldn't feel like this, but every mock test I'm giving my marks are getting worse and worse. I'm like 70% sure I'm not getting jnto a college this year, which is heartbreaking because this time I really did give my all. I'm still giving other exams because this one's impossible for me to get a seat in, but with the marks I'm getting I'm unsure if I'll even get good marks in these backup entrance exams. I feel burnt out and hopeless, what am I gonna do with my life.
Messages
I know exactly how you feel I'm 19 but I turn 20 this year and I know people who have gone to college and completed tons of classes I wish I made the same decision they made and decided to go so early but honestly, everyone's paths are different you have to forgive yourself for your past mistakes to move forward, after reading this I could tell you're super stressed and pressured but we are still very young, its better that you have a goal than to sit around and do nothing with your life all that matters is that you're working towards it and trying to achieve it everything will pay off sooner or later.
Forgive me but I went through some of your previous posts and it seems like you've abandoned everything for studying. Do you let yourself have free time? Do you take days off? I wonder if you're actually not bad at studying, but that the immense pressure and stress you're putting on yourself is making you test badly. When you review your tests, are you missing questions because of small mistakes? Are you second-guessing yourself and choosing the wrong answers?
i wasn't really taking days off before, but now that our syllabus is almost complete and in less than a week, full syllabus mock tests are starting, I've been taking breaks.
and I've been getting okay marks, and also improving on the wrong questions bit, but the problem is this exam itself has become very competitive recently, and only the kids who master perfection (or close to it) can get a seat. and i used to think I'm capable of it, but I'm not. almost 2.3 million people sat for this competitive exam, when there are only around 50 thousand seats. so like, the selection percentages are so low too.
That sounds so stressful! Please take good care of yourself physically and mentally. You can get through this! I wish you all the best!
Hey heres something, your peers are gonna be in alot of pressure with being on those top unis, you don't have to go like the best of the best college exams to "have it good" no, what you need is a uni you can be yourself to and live a life at your own pace. Who cares about their life? you have your own to deal with. I get that it might be lonely, but its okay. You will be okay. You are not alone on this journey. You still have so much time to still go to, practice makes perfect. I'm not saying try harder im saying you are becoming better more than you realise. Im sorry your feeling like this but i hope these words could help <3
I just want to reach across the screen and give you a hug. It's going to be okay, I know you will find it really hard to believe but it will be okay. You have a long road ahead of you, things may not turn out how you originally envisioned but it will be okay all the same. I will say try not to stress but that's easier said than done. I understand that feeling of jealousy when all your peers seem to be miles ahead of you. It's a a really shitty feeling. You say your results are getting worse, have you tried other methods of studying? Will a tutor help? Try to relax because stress can contribute to why your performance is not up to your standards.
I wish you all the best and you should stay strong. This too shall pass.