Sorry i know i should be on break but i lowkey want to share this cus today I visited my ex-bf's grave today with my new my bf and put flowers. September 3, 2024, He left this world.
It was truly unexpected for me and i didn't know how to deal with it or tell his online friends about it. I said to some but i couldn't with half of them as they were so happy he "was getting better." I did one of his last wish "let them know im okay." and didn't tell them until december and january.
I realised it was me who couldn't accept his death, deep down inside i delusioned myself to think he's still alive. To get closure that he's just okay and somewhere out there and totally not 6ft deep hole.
I met friends which made me happier again, unrelated to him. No one knew him truly. Asides from the fact they knew his vents lolol.
Yeah today i kind of decided to heal this part of me and close my chapter here. It's time to let go and say my goodbyes to you dear N, i loved you and hated you for the stuff you had given me but still even if gone, you had taught me a lesson.
That is, don't let your emotions overwhelm you, don't let it control you to the point you want to go 'through that' instead accept your mistakes and just grow. Change. Instead of being sad at it forever, right that mistakes.
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