Changing bad behaviours

I still think abt how stuff could have just went okay if i didnt overthink much and maybe things would still be good to this day. I said a year ago i would stop making impulsive decisions cus i was worried and whatnot but it seems i hadnt changed that. Though i really want to. I try my best. Now i kinda recognise these red flags and know how to calm myself down, when to stop. I found a healthier way to deal with stress and my insecurities cus I finally found the root of my problem from all of this.

It seems to me my trauma with my ex-bf and our past dynamics have influenced me alot, in terms of coping with accidentally hurting someone like my bf only paid attention to me if i had apologised and spammed them for days so ig i thought the same for friends. Theres more to it but i wont dive too much into it.

I often felt like i had to leave in order to make things better or wtv but honestly, i can't. I'll be curious to what others are up to or see just how they are. I become hyperfixated on like how they are doing after all of that stuff. Then if u see them slightly upset i just have that urge to break that boundary and apologise.

im a very overdramatic person lol but ig things arent always that deep, like okay u feel bad but u dont need to spam them so u could seem more sincere. Sometimes the best way to be sincere in what you say and feel? well doing what they want. Even if you feel like they can't see that care from you, atleast you know to yourself. You care alot.

I can't say i fully changed but i recognise now and know what to do incase i feel stuff and thats communication and not just doing things out of impulse or like simply patience.