Weird

i can't even say anything anymore just back then i panicked so much i tok like many pills to try calm down myself and well did sh, i was overwhelmed with stress that time that i literally almost died from it and when i knew i started to lose consciousness i feared of my friends blaming themself for it. Being worried over me and how im like a burden again. I did so many stupid stuff cus i kept overthinking and i hadnt realised i made the same mistakes i kept trying to avoid and idk what to feel. Im saying this here cus its been my way of coping things since i dunno. I try to be happy but i dont know why some stuff holds me back from being the best version of myself. I just wanna be someone better. i dont want to die cus thats coward but sometimes i want to... but i shouldnt. This is how i process my thoughts. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow... meow meow