failed attempts.

i rlly can't go on living anymore like this i pretend to be fine but im rlly not, ive been hooking with randos just to get over him and distract myself from his passing. its painful. i tried to kms today but i couldnt do it cus what if i just survive and my friends get so tired of me? i mean thats what happened to him- he did it so much his friends no longer cared for him. They hate him. They deny his existence. They block him out and it just makes me upset cus those ppl were the only one who knew him truly. Before i met him, they knew him. He didnt have a nice life irl bec he was so timid and shy and weak. he was such a lonely person and the only one he had was me and his online friends. Whom he lost cus i was selfishly inlove w/ him.

tldr: i just dont know i dont rlly feel like living anymore. Life's so boring, time passes so slow and most important of all life so empty now.