not to be crazy but

sometimes I feel like I can’t even trust myself. the world feels distorted, like i’m stuck in a dream I can’t wake up from. even my own body doesn’t feel real. it’s like I’m disconnected from everything, including myself. and no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake the feeling that something is deeply wrong.

but on the outside, I seem fine. i go through the motions, smile when I’m supposed to, do everything I’m supposed to do. no one could ever tell. if anything, I seem normal. maybe even happy. and that makes it worse. if i’m so “normal,” then is this fear even real? is there something wrong with me, or am I just making it all up?

it feels like I’m just an actor playing a role, like I’m not really myself. the disconnect is unbearable. nothing feels real, i don’t feel real. if I’m only pretending to exist, does anything even matter at this point?