Mess up feeling.

Nice to meet you guys, im Ashlay, a fangirl. I've stick around for about five years now, today I want to tell you about my experience.
In Saturday, I went out with a friend and a not so much friend anymore person, she was my ex specifically.
I have to said I a fucking hypocrite, I always said Im very royal in relationships, yet Ive never seriously act like that. I am also an easygoing one, and usually fall for people unconsciously. Well, most people didn't known that, because I don't really show them any.
Okay, back to the trip. We were eating out, and suddenly my guy friend ask if she have a lover, Im a bit startle, because he think that we could have a chance. Turn out, she have a strange relationship with someone, not much of a friend or lover, she said. Hearing that I'm just silently eating and going through my phone.
What's Im expecting for? Nothing, maybe. Or something?
I'm a bitch, two timing her when I have some fuck up suicide thought because a person close to me ditch me.
I'll take the blame, okay, I should stop whining.
But in the end, im kind of glad ya know. I have hurt her in a certain way, now I get the bitter.
(Sorry for the incorrect grammar, this is not my mother tongue. And thanks for listening.)