Tried cooking a chicken and got shat on

I had this bitch marinated n in the oven when it suddenly started flapping its wings and puk puk pukawing at me so I got scared and jumped but this chicken then got on top of me and shat out all the turkey stuffing I stuffed in it on top of my head, I screamed as blood, guts and thanksgiving stuffing hit my face and cried, the chicken then proceeded to strangle me with its wings as I choked on the marinated stuffing it shat on me, my eyes stung as I tried to battle unconscious, finally it stopped. Spat on me. And squacked out of my kitchen window