So I'll be explaining this in three categories:
SITUATION OF OUR RELATIONSHIP:
So I'm currently in a relationship with a guy on discord... We were good and all that but sometimes he really gives me an ick. We've been dating like 2 years before, he was my ex back then and we came back together so we are now 12 months. It's just I don't understand his behavior sometimes he wasn't like this back then, when we have our conflicts he want it to make solutions immediately asking me if I'm fine, and he do makes effort so I can stop avoiding the situation. Don't get me wrong I never avoid the situation I don't have an avoidment issue I'm always committed to solve the problem in our relationship. But now not like this, I could feel the cold war in our relationship he was not like the same as before. When we're in argument he would always use the phrase "I wanna be alone" , "Later" which this makes me paranoid since I cannot handle the situation when he was avoiding it.
Before few months he always pursue me, he said he will always be the one chasing after me but now it's different, I don't know it's just different his behavior towards me change he just let things be not same as before. No he is not cheating as a woman we have our instinct that our significant other is cheating, but he is not cheating. He just text me back when his friends are done playing or when he have a spare battery left, or when he realize the time. It's hard when he only text me back when he have a spare battery left, I have to wait for him to fully charge so I can talk to him in the middle of the night my schedule is in rekt when I have to wait for him to fully charge.
He can't say no to this friends, like playing I just felt like he prioritize them more. Like when we are of middle talking and he just said randomly "oh my friends are here, they want to play can I play for a bit? It's quick I promise." I would want to say no, but I want him to enjoy his time. Sometimes I would give a firm "no" answer but even though I give hints and says no, he would play anyways. One time he says it's quick but it took him two hours to finish, and I was so upset about it and he would get upset if I'm upset too. He don't know how to handle me if I'm upset unlike before, if I'm upset his upset too so where can I position myself in this kind of situation?
We have this conversation about his friends yesterday he says.
"I only played with them sometimes."
"Yeah? When was that." I said.
"You know like in the morning when we chat." When I'm the first one who talk to him this afternoon.
"Lmao, we talk this afternoon what are you talking about?" I said when I'm deeply already upset about it.
"I never said about specific date or day, I can't remember." He said that.
Sometimes, I just think this man is gay.
When we're in call, when I'm talking about something he would multi-task. I don't even fucking know if he can balance that shit, while I'm talking and he is playing, and when I ask him what was I was talking about he would proceed to ramble different stories and different situations it sucks y'know? I'm so tired of his fucking ass. He would says sorry about him playing while I'm talking, but he keep doing it anyways.
And talking about our problems sometimes when he says "let's just fix it later." He will came back and pretend nothing happened it's destroying me to be honest. He would say he loves me but I never seen him make efforts, pursued me like before, or even make smaller things that would make me happy like before, I'm the only one who is paddling the wheel, I want to stop but at the same time I cannot. I want to let go, but when he is feeling like I'm already losing in a thread of our relationship that's the time he makes effort.
The only thing that makes our conversation keep going, is when he is needy about something. (We don't do sex chats it's much worse, I'll get on that later.)
THINGS THAT GIVES ME AN ICK ABOUT HIM:
He can't wash the dishes
He plays games all day (but have good grades tho)
He have a weird fetish, I'll just list them all here (we listen and we don't judge):
Necrophilia (he said only into fictions)
Woman who have cocks (I would say that's basically a transgender woman he said no, cuz it's different ps: he is homophobic.)
Femboys (proceed to deny he is not into men only feminene ones, we listen and we do judge)
Public sex
Gore sex (do they have that now a days?)
Somnophilia
Rape (once again, only into fictions)
There's a lot, I just forgot about it.
THE REASON WHY I CANNOT LET GO (We listen and we judge):
The reason why I cannot let go is because, we've already exchange nudes. Yes we did, I know it's not common. We do video call sex in the night but we're not doing that anymore. I was firmly against it exchanging nudes, but he would beg about it saying he want my body so desperately and it would go on for days until I just give up and exchange nudes to him. I would be a dumb bitch if I would also say, I cannot let go because of the memories and bond that we have. I really wanna let go but deep inside of me is too hard to let go.
That's all guys, just give me your spare thoughts and I'll accept all your judgements.
Messages
I hate when they only put in effort right when they think it’s about to end. That right there is textbook manipulation. This guy clearly doesn’t prioritize you. This person straight up does not appreciate you or have the capacity to be empathic or considerate enough to grasp how you’re feeling. And it’s upsetting that they don’t respect you :( I’m glad you know what’s bothering you about this relationship, since it’ll tell you what you want in your next one (▰˘◡˘▰)
I had a physical reaction as soon as I read the word necrophilia and the rest of it wasn't any better. Idk how the femboys are a bigger problem for you than necrophilia and gore.
Hey, I understand that letting go is very hard and tbh it seems you’re telling my own story LOL I am not comparing myself to you because the circumstances might be waaay different but I also have an ex we’ve been together for almost 3 years. I stayed for that long because of memories together and the fucking nudes. I was very immature back then thinking that I don’t want to let go because she was my first on everything (yes this is a wlw). I can’t bring myself to let go bc of the bond we had and even considerng that there will be another person that will fuck me in the future and that will make me a whore LOL
But you know what, I decided to LET IT GO. I was tired. Everyday we talked feels like a chore and I started to hate everything about her. I list down the pros and cons and found myself feeling like shit that I stayed only for “memories”. I wasted my time reminiscing the past. Fuck memories, I want to live and make memories with the right person, to get myself out of the suffocating and nauseating situation.
In short, let it go my dear. You already know what is the right thing to do. Don't waste more time on someone who can't give you the bare minimum or someone you think is gay.
Create memories with the right person who is gentle, kind, who communicates, someone who doesn't let you sleep with a heavy heart, and much much good in bed.
Omg thank you so much, it do feels like a chore talking to them, thank you for your advice
Wish you luck!