Opinions

I had a thing with someone, who is now my boyfriend. Before we got together, we were getting to know each other. You could say we acted like we were in a relationship but without a label. However, we stopped talking for a little while, and during that time, I had sex with someone. That was my first time. For context, my ‘boyfriend’ knew I was a virgin. After that, I realized I loved my ‘boyfriend,’ so I reached out to him, and we became girlfriend and boyfriend.

Right now, he goes through my phone and found a conversation where I mentioned having sex with someone. I came clean about it. Personally, I don’t want to continue being with him because I feel so guilty for some reason. But he doesn’t want to break up with me, saying it’s in the past, and that, at the time, we weren’t talking.

For me, it’s the principle—I gave it to someone so easily, while with him, even when we were talking, he never brought up sex. Now, he is not cold to me; his attitude is the same, but I notice he’s slowly becoming withdrawn. I’m scared that he will leave me or try to get back at me.

He’s the one who doesn’t want to break up, but my instincts are telling me that something has changed. He also mentioned that he had always known about the incident before we got back together because of my friend, but he chose to ignore it. Now that I’ve openly admitted it, I just don’t know what to do. I love him so much, but I can’t stand the fear I’m feeling.