Rant thingy

I understand and know this is completely not the site to rant and I’m probably not supposed, but I’m genuinely not on any other sites really and I don’t use the internet often enough to understand and can’t bring myself to care that this isn’t a rant site and I genuinely just need to know I’m ranting to another human and not just my journal, just for understanding I’m 16. Basically I’ve been told my entire life that I need to report my family to cps but I never brought myself to care enough but I knew that they cause all of my mental issues, which is probably a lot of them. That’s not the point though, the point is that I have 2 childhood best friends who I have cared about my entire life, we go to different schools because I care about my education so I can escape my family once I’m 18. Me and a friend from my school jokingly texted one of them that they made me cry. After my friend asked me who she was and why she was texting her, I told her I didn’t know. After that I jokingly asked her if she still wanted to be friends, to my shock she said she didn’t, which is crazy to me. After that my other childhood friend texted my school friend and told my school friend that she would write a digital letter to me to explain why she didn’t want to be my friend anymore, she told my friend that I desperately need a good support system and people who care about me, but she doesn’t want to deal with me anymore, I thought this was a joke and they simply were upset for me pranking them. I texted the first one who was originally texted that they made me cry and asked her if they were being serious and if they really wanted to do this. I told her that she knew they were the only reason i hadn’t committed suicide yet and why I still have hope in my life, she told me she knows, and that’s why our friendship is toxic, which like, I get that, and all, but it really fucked me up mentally. I’m sorry if this is confusing and hard to follow, I should have thought this out more, but I’m so mentally tired and fucked up, more then I’ve ever been, and I just wish I could become friends with them again because I can’t bring myself to live or do anything anymore, I don’t know what to do with my life or myself or what to think of this, I really just want to get on my hands and knees and beg that they continue to stay my friends, because I don’t give a shit about anyone else, but I don’t think I’ll be able to stand living anymore. Anyways yeah funsies. Also I don’t have like any other close friends because I knew I had my childhood friends, I never bothered to become friends with others because I found those people so perfect for me, and I am in a lot of clubs and I know lots of people, but I’m not close to anyone else, and I don’t know what to do, so yippee, I’d love thoughts, or ignore this, both are reasonable things to do.