Chat am i cooked for going back to my old coping mechanism again?

i want to desperately talk to someone but i cant so i resort to sh again but i was too much of a coward to actually cut myself and i thought what if had sex with random people again cause im single and my bf is dead anyways so i gotta move on and i find myself today dressing up to go to a bar trying to have a one night stand. i cant even bother to be worried about STDs right now.