Got my grades today and I'm at the top of my class, but honestly after the adrenaline wore off I just felt bittersweet. Not one of my friends were available to hang out/celebrate bc they already either went home or had something to do, so I just ended up eating alone at a McDonalds with my mother who happened to be in the city. During that time and on the way home I just kept thinking about my friend who I'm currently still not talking to properly (I'm the last chat and they still haven't replied it's been a week), we fought over a stupid misunderstanding on their part (it wasn't even my fault but I chased them like crazy and tried my best to fix things/make up with them) which lasted for a month and they're probably still scared and ashamed to talk to me but I see them hanging out with our other friend(s) all the time which makes me feel bittersweet.
On the ride home I was alone and I kept having literal flashbacks of us having late night video calls about literally nothing. That even though I wasn't as good as my classmates in the past because I didn't put in a lot of effort in terms of grades, no matter what I got they would still be proud and celebrate me, which goes for us both ways. No matter what happened we were always there for each other. And, well, I was happy because even though I wasn't the best, even though I wasn't 'unique' I still had someone who thought I was-- and who I also thought of as such.
It sucks because we even joked before that we were better than that one on and off couple we hated because we could communicate properly and we understand each other but turns out we were no better. I understand them, they understand me, but understanding can only take you so far when human emotions and ridiculous circumstances come into play.
It used to hurt a lot, to the point I even had to go to get myself checked because the stress was so high along with my already present medical conditions that I had fainting episodes every now and then. But right now it no longer hurts, it just feels empty and lonely. It sounds like such a chunii thing to say but it really does feel that way. After I got home I just flopped down onto the bed and slept for 10 hours even though it was noon. My heart felt as empty as it was heavy.
I felt so exhausted and even my achievements felt meaningless (even though for my academic self validation it was extremely meaningful). I just kept thinking, "I succeeded but where's the people who'll celebrate it with me? Everything, what does it all amount to?"
Honestly I rarely vent online but I just had to let that out.
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You've worked really hard for your achievements, and it's amazing that you're the top of your class. That's a significant accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself. Remember that your value doesn't depend on being celebrated by others. Your hard work speaks for itself, and you should take the time to celebrate your own achievements. Seriously congratulations!!
You don’t have to depend your success on other people you know, even if that might be hard. You can celebrate by yourself, eating ice cream and watching a movie. I know it might feel lonely but you can always meet new people.
Honestly I studied for myself, and I personally AM proud of myself, but it still sucks when you have no one to celebrate it with. It's like organizing a huge birthday party only to celebrate it alone
Celebrate with mangago fr
It sucks that you’re feeling this way but I hope you guys talk properly and reconcile soon. and congratulations on being the top of class.
One the side note That’s my favourite Zhongli quote and I think about it often. Friends come and go. Sometimes we just have to part our ways in order to continue our own journey but damn it hurts when relationships ends or slowly fades away but that’s just life. The memories will still continue to shine like gold in my mind Even if it feels awful we have to accept it and move on I hope you will continue to succeed in life and also find people who will celebrate with you and cheer you on All the best ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
I'm so sorry u had to feel this way Hako, I genuinely wish you all the best, I hope everything gets better for you soon. Out of context, I'm so sorry for this, I know this is a vent but you dropped such banger lines
"I was happy because even though I wasn't the best, even though I wasn't 'unique' I still had someone who thought I was-- and who I also thought of as such."
"I understand them, they understand me, but understanding can only take you so far when human emotions and ridiculous circumstances come into play."
"My heart felt as empty as it was heavy."
"I succeeded but where's the people who'll celebrate it with me? Everything, what does it all amount to?"
Honestly hit me in my core if you ever write a story lmk bc it's for sure gonna be fire
That made me chuckle a bit ty for the compliment I think?
I genuinely mean all the things I just said ur fire bro don't ever forget that
CONGRATS ON BEING TOP OF THE CLASS TJAYS SO FIRE
Tyyy I trieddd
I sincerely hope the conflict gets resolved and everything works out for you pooks.
Ty I hope so too, it's exhausting the light out of me tbh