Loneliness
I fear for what I have in the future. I'm losing myself and those around me. Im willing to sabotage myself just to be somebody's choice/option. I'm scared of losing my friends, family and eventually my own mind. I've already committed a bunch of unforgivable things and said thing that aren't very good but not bad enough to make me unredeemable as a good person. I'm terrified, I don't want to be alone ever. People tell me they'll be there for me and that I should rely on them but once I need them, they act like they've never said anything like that. I don't have anybody close to me at all and all my past friends have their own lives and have already chosen to not speak to me anymore. I didn't do anything wrong, I wholeheartedly promise. I'm just not lovable
Messages
Hai i just saw tis randomly while scrolling and tis hit hardddd i feel you girly. Not being someone's anything literally. Feeling like there isn't a place where you belong. Been feeling like thus for years its like a mental illness now more of a fear ig. There isn't any cure to this either. To be loved, i changed myself. I lost my self-respect and started clinging on them. When i felt the slightest hint of affection i would cling on them
Still am clinging but this never made me feel loved. I accepted the fact that i am unlovable at this point. Maybe there is somebody out there who is full of love just for me me but, i believe we won't meet in this lifetime. Because i will never stop clinging on ppl who don't love me. It's a very bad habit that i can't really change. But i don't think that's your case gurl uou can do it the world is so wide your person is out there waiting for you. I personally believe a person can never be lonely. If you are lonely mentally then it's ok it gradually gets better. I was mentally lonely too thinking no one was by my side but there are alot of ppl. And ik there are for you too just put trust in them. And if they act any different don't cling on them like i do leave them be or else you'll grow a very bad habit. The world is so full of love i hope you know that. You are full of love.
If you say that you haven't done anything wrong, you probably did something wrong.
People who use the excuse that they are unlovable don't want to face the fact that there is something about themselves that makes them unlovable. If you say that you already have committed something unforgiveable, say things that are "very good" and then say that they are not bad enough to make you unredeemable, then there is something wrong with your perspective on what is unredeemable as it is different for everyone.
If you want to be more "lovable" instead of blaming some sort of misplaced judgement on fate, you should look at yourself and ask, what is it about me that makes people dislike me? Because if everyone dislikes you, then it isn't their fault, it's yours. There will always people who simply dislike you, but it is never the case that everyone dislikes you. The first step if you want people to like you is to first admit that there is something wrong with you and that there is some inherent trait that makes you dislikeable.
Even being too foolish is a drawback. Being too simple is a drawback, being too kind, to welcoming, too honest, too frank - all of these supposed good traits are not good traits when applied in reality to their extremes. And I have yet so see someone so pure heartedly adapt these traits into themselves like it's a mantra.
So, if you really think you are just unlovable, there is no one who can help you, because you refuse to see any issue with yourself.
Rather than blaming other people for not being there, first consider what your relationship to them is. Just because someone says they are your friend and they say they are there for you, that doesn't mean they are or that they have some legally binding contract to you saying they should always be there for you.
If you overestimate what you means to others, then of course, they will seem to leave you when you need them.
You can only ever know someone for twenty years before they are a stranger again - people change. And you can't blame them for that either.
Even I know precisely what my problem is and why I have no friends, my drawbacks and how I should improve on them rather than complaining on why no one is my friend and how I must be "unlovable".
If you don't want to be alone, then ask yourself why you are alone in the first place.
I understand what you are saying but How can sm know what exactly is the problem , when no one is willing to actually point it out for them ??.. We can't read others mind right ??..
I am extremely extremely grateful you spent your time responding to and reading my rant !!!
to answer all of ur paragraphs SIMPLY, everything that's causing me to tweak is 50% me and 50% others.
to answer all of your paragraphs in a more detailed way regarding the message on top. About me, I struggle with really bad anger issues. Most of them stemming from family trauma. I have a multitude of mental and physical issues that leads to me having unstable relationships with others. I don't wanna go in depth about it not that I'm uncomfortable but I feel like it's just too long. I live in a country where people here are actually not quite well educated(?). I grew up speaking English therefore I am fluent in English more than my mother tongue (I do speak it well js not confident) So I don't like talking to others much and yes I do get made fun of and yes I never open up too much to my parents unless it's important so that they can have me prescribed some new meds. About the fact that ppl in my area aren't well educated, it's not that I'm saying oh everybody here is as dumb as a rock but people aren't willing to accept change and like I said I am mentally ill and I have physical scars on my body so well there are people who will assume the worse of me i.e i do drugs.
I digress
It is true, being too much of something has a drawback and yes I am always too much of something which i am well aware of, I am SUPER conscious (physically and mentally) about myself.....which is my biggest drawback. I've been told to loosen up or else I'll ruin someone's mood, but once I do, I was told "we can never take you seriously" and by the things I have just mentioned, maybe I take it too much to heart which is not true at least I don't show it.
Ugh sorry I just wanna get this over with bc my fingers feel like jello so I'm going to bring up one last reason about my "oh im so unlovable" mindset
I am physically attractive. Not conventional or average. I am very attractive. It sounds so corny and self-centred but i've been told multiple times by men, women, other, young, and old that I am very beautiful. Obviously I have flaws and there are things, I would pay big bucks to change (which is another rzn as to why i may be hated cuz im also rlly fucking insecure YET confident?????) I've used my looks to get things, and people but at the same time, i've never even felt loved at all. Maybe I'm just not as attractive as I think/been told I am that's why nobody ever wants to be with me romantically oh and besides my prominent sh scars :P UGH FUCK im gonna end it here my brain is not working im sorry. Please ask me questions that I can answer :(
Again I rlly appreciate ur time and effort
hmm yes yes ur very right too
i never mentioned that nobody has ever confronted me ever about the things i've done and that makes me wonder. Did i ever actually do anything wrong if absolutely NO ONE pointed anything out?
Most of the time I realize it myself that I did something unpleasant and be the first to reach out but to my surprise, said person always say
"i never thought you meant it like that" or the very common "nah dw about it"
which is so confuzzling...
By thinking. You have to do it yourself, and if you can then that's to your own benefit. If you can't then you can't. It is itself a skill of its own right.
How many people are willing to point out what is wrong with you? How many people care about what is wrong with you? They will just leave you and ignore you. If someone is willing to help you, that is your benefactor for life. But in reality, you can't blame people for not willing to do so as that is extra expended effort on their part and they have no guarantee that it benefits them. A stranger will almost always do nothing for another stranger at a cost to themselves.
So you're right that we don't know for sure. But I think that is just inherently part of the experience. Some people might live their entire lives no knowing why they are lonely. And that's just how it is. You can't do much about it and people eventually accept it. I guess it is bad advice to say that it's just what it is and to accept it, but it's just what it is.
I think in your case you should just give it some time. I don't know how old you are, but I feel like you're maybe around 15-16-17 so you don't feel like you fit in and it's hard for you to fit in. I didn't have many friends and I still don't have many friends and to be honest, sometimes it's just like that.
That and your anger management issues just means that anyone who wants to be friends with you need time to get used to you so that they know that most of what you say you probably don't mean. Which is a hole that a lot of people actually fall into. Eventually, once you get forced into communicating more and more, this will eventually fall apart as you'll learn how to sort of navigate things better. You're young, it's fine to be awkward or to suddenly burst out.
You'll meet a lot of people in your life, and while I cannot guarantee that you will meet someone who will be willing to wait to learn about you, I can say that you can always try making friends that are sort of distant. Instead of focusing on making "friends" it might be better to find friends that you don't really know well and are just sort of friends by name, rather than experience.
I think a lot of people around 16~ have this issue where they have some idealist interpretation of what it means to be friends, when in reality, most people leave as you mention. And the idea that you need a friend that is super close, while cute, is unrealistic. If you find someone like that, that is your luck, if you don't that is also your luck.
You don't need to be super close, and in fact, all friends start out as being distant.
There is also a saying, that the best friends have a thousand meters between them. If you want a long and enduring relationship, sometimes the best option is to be distant because close friends are the ones that are easily broken. A friend you speak once every thousand years to is still a friend after a thousand years. But a friend that needs to be spoken to every day will stop being a friend once that principle is broken.
I think a lot of your fears stem from the fact that you don't want to be hurt by others once you become really close, but in that situation, why become so close? Sometimes it is better to test the waters, than it is to jump in. And some people live their entire lives like that.
I also think, you should communicate with your parents, more even if you don't really do it often. They might not treat you seriously, or they might not really listen, but sometimes having at least someone to speak to is better than no one.
I don't know if this will help, but this is generally the idea that I am getting from your situation.