Breaking hearted
When I was little (8 years old) I was sexually assaulted, at the time I did not realize what was happening I do not really know why but I turned into a real tomboy!
It was only after discovering that my cousin had experienced the same thing that I realized that what had happened to me was not normal.
Arriving in college I went out with several boy but it was just to say that I was dating someone I did not want them to touch me, it never happened with them, once I went out with a boy and he was my `` first love '' lol he was the first to touch me, all my first times were with him but our relationship was complicated we stayed together for 5 years, we broke up several times by what he was flirting with the other girls but I loved him so I didn't pay attention. In high school not so long ago I discovered that he cheated on me, I was devastated so I left him, but I loved him so much that I went back with him. But the more time passed the more I realized that I lost my dignity because after all that we lived together, even knowing how hard it was for me to trust someone he made mesuffer a lot. Knowing all the things that happened to me didn't srop him, all the things we got he just destroy everything !
here it is, my first love broke my heart so for the moment I'm doing a pose I had my dose ! I'm just disgusted !
Messages
I wish you all the happiness in the world girl. You didn't deserve to get a cheatin ass cunt
Hi Aya. I feel for you. I was a little younger when I was first sexually assaulted so I can sympathize with your situation. The problem is multi fold. 1. you feel helpless and powerless. Like you have no choice but to go along and accept whatever situation you find yourself in. 2. You feel unworthy. Low self esteem. 3. You want to be loved and understood so badly that you cling to false hope and dreams. 4. Overall you are vulnerable and as you have experienced not everyone is kind.
Unfortunately You are a delicacy for unsavory predators. It's like they can smell your vulnerable and circle like vultures. Like your boyfriend. They don't care about you but will use your situation to their advantage. He knew you'd keep coming back. It's like bullies in school know who they can get away with bullying and those become their targets.
Now do not despair. I am now married to a wonderful man. They do exist. And you aren't helpless. You already have the strength to say no as you did in previous relationships. You were testing the waters to see if they really accept you and aren't just looking for a fling. But they made you feel like you were less because you were cautious with your physical intimacy. So you thought you better get out there and give a little more to get the love you are seeking and Voila the opening your boyfriend needed to wheeler his control. It's hard opening up and when you do it's hard to admit your trust is misplaced because on one hand it makes you feel more useless and on the other you still hope for your dream.
You are worthy, you are precious, you are strong and you can do this. You are much stronger than me. I couldn't say no and I couldn't open up like you are doing here. It took me a long time. So you are already doing better than me.
I think you are doing the right thing by taking time to be alone. Figure out what you want in a relationship and partner especially now that you know what you don't want. Don't settle for anything less and take it slow when you are ready. One of the problems with being attached is that good guys with good values won't approach an attached woman. Those who do are ones you should avoid. And when attached you aren't looking for anyone else and are blinded to other possibilities right in front of you. So by being attached just to be attached a great opportunity could be passing you by. Only when i knew what I wanted and didn't settle for less and was free to be available to take advantage of opportunity when it was presented was I able to land the right guy.
Take time to know yourself and you will see yourself for the treasure you are and you will value yourself. I wish you all the best blessings. I trust you and know you can do this. Finally I wish you endless happiness in the future. I won't wish you good luck because its not down to luck. You can craft and control your destiny. ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
And to your ex... (╬￣皿￣)凸
I also wish you happiness! I hope you will continue to fight to open yourself up a little more each day! I will never forget your advice and your encouragement thank you very much