i hate being gay

im suprised theres a thing that perfectly describes how i feel but its whatever.

i love this girl, so fucking much actually. we are dating but not really because she already has a gf that shes gonna break up with. but the point is, our past was really bumpy. it was like a toxic yuri LMAOO, she'd make me mad so id do things to make her mad and it was like back and forth. so we stopped being whatever we thought we were (kinda gay but not), anyway we made up and we are like practically dating now.

but im scared of being gay, im an only girl in an asian household so being gay isn't taken quite lightly. before i didn't care because i didn't really know the consequences of my actions/cared about how my parents would react. but now that im growing up, its kinda settingly in that i gotta be set with my decisions. i haven't loved a girl as much as i loved her. genuinely, i love her so much. i love looking at her, being with her, talking with her, EVERYTHING. but im so scared of my parents finding out since they have been on my ass lately.