Need to stop falling for people who has no interest in me
I blame this on myself and me only. I always end up attracted, falling for someone who has no interest in me in anyways and it's getting worse, I would lie if I said i don't literally cry when that one person ignores me when I was the one who approached them when they didn't want any business with me.
It's not even romantically, I always end up wanting to be friends with people that don't even know my name is there a psychological reason behind this and is there a solution?
I would die for them but ask them what my favorite food is they wouldn't know. I don't blame them cause and I never will cause all of those people that suffered with me were nice and still cared for me.
This girl in my class was so damn cool, she was chill and last year first day I probably fell in love and had a friend crush on her, I decided to talk to her and it was going cool, she was always hanging out with that one girl who she considered her bestie and i'm cool with that but I noticed that she wasn't really interested in making other friends than her. At first I thought I would be happy just being cool with her but little by little, I really really wanted to also be someone special to her just like her best friend.
I thank that girl cause despite my obsession she was always cool towards me and didn't push me or call me annoying despite it being obvious that she did NOT want to be my friend.
This should be talked with a therapist but money is thigh so i'll consider it in the future.
I don't wanna be annoying anymore, I wanna stop falling for people who has no interest in me. Stop wanting to be friends with a group of people that already established their circle. Stop being attracted to people that knows nothing about me.
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I think the straightest answer i could give is you need to heal from your trauma first and then slowly learn not to be overly attached over someone or certain group of people.
Trauma healing is hard when you don't even know where the trauma came from, i'm clueless and in denial.
once again seems like we have same kind of problems hahahh, i mean i changed pfp and username but you answered to my post about jealousy - so maybe we have similar type of core trauma of smth but that's of the point. i've been thinking about same kind of thing for myself and one answer psychology offers is "magical thinking".
for example, if a childs parent is distant or in some way unavailable, or even straight-up abusive, while growing up that child will, unable to change anything but in need of love and safety, develop a way of thinking that will make it possible for them to believe that parent loves them even if there's no "proof". for me, my mother was often cruel and cold and unable to be there for me because of her own problems, but she always told me how much she loves me and i believed her fully.
and that magical thinking, once essential, may persist in adulthood... like, feeling like there is hope wen when there isn't, not being able to give up on someone even if that person shows absolutely no interest in you, even believing you have a chance with someone with little to no reason. and i fully believe that once can never love a person without deep inside beliveing that person could love them just in a way thay want to be loved.
sorry if that was useless(ly) long hahah, but i hope there's something helpful for you in there
and that way of thinking obviously includes stuff like :she's just right for me, i know it! and: it just feels like fate! before you even truly know someone, and it's hard to shake off that initial impression. for me at least.
Ooh! I remember you! Yeah seems like we came from the same basket huh. Your explaining was really useful to me and it got me thinking.
You're right same thing happens to me with my mom, I don't know if she actually loves me or not but growing up I won't lie I can barely find a time spent with her that was actually enjoyable.
She was always arguing with me for unnecessary things, hit me, threw water at me for no reason and always would tell me that it could be so I grow up with no fear and have attitude but god so far it only developed anxiety, my fear of being disliked by other people.
I don't really need to feel hope when attached to someone with no interest in me, but just wanna be with them, have some kind of place in someone's heart (okay maybe it is hope)
Thank you again love<3 and it wasn't uselessly long at all, your point of view was very helpful.
Yep exactly the same for me but it's usually "I don't mind if she finds no interest in me bro I love her so much but damn i'm only hurting myself" ╥﹏╥
yeah, I too often will think that i'm free of hope while liking someone, but the fact that i get disappointed when they are unavailable and hurt when they clearly show disinterest - as well as my unwilling daydreaming about them showing me affection - all say otherwise huhh. maybe we are ashamed of hope so we mask it from ourselves, because, by now, shouldn't we have already learned that hoping for love and safety is futile and we should just accept what is given (none)? but that mutherfucker just won't die hahh.
i also have anxitey lol, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships... Tweensies! ヾ(☆▽☆)
Said everything and you understood me so well you're absolutely right tweensies (≧∀≦)
Acceptance is so hard, I do hope I can heal soon and so hope that you do too. We shouldn't have to experience these things.
well i'm just a stranger on the internet but if you ever feel like complaining about such things i'll be willing to listen to you and support you, maybe even give some advice here and there. i mean, i'm far from having it all together but i always try to understand people and learning about psychology is a hobby of mine.. so maybe i can be useful? for me too it's comforting to feel less alone in how i am.
I relate to this so much. I'm the exact same way and for as long as I can think of, I've let those around me use this against me. I don't blame them either, as it was my own problem, but if they didn't use my feelings against me, then I wouldn't have as many problems, such as trust issues, as I do now.
It's difficult to stop this part of yourself, because even though you acknowledge you shouldn't be this way you can't physically do anything to stop it as it's a physiological issue. It hurts 'cause once again, you can't really blame those around you for the pain you feel when they have no interest in you.
The best I can say is that when YOU DO HAVE enough money, book the fastest therapy session you can. Therapy can help with this. I've been in it for a couple of different things in the past, but it did help me to talk even if just for a little bit with someone about my issues with falling for those who don't even know me like that.
While it does seem like that girl was sweet, not everyone reacts nicely to someone having a crush on them that they don't even know like that. Some people, like I stated above, take advantage of your feelings, while others react aggressively.(When I say aggressively, I don't mean physically, but more verbally.)
I hope reading this helped a little if not anything at all :)
I don't actually have money tho but as I said i'll consider it in the future while being financially stable.
Thank you so much for your kind words and you're right, not everyone would react nicely like that girl did, I know cause i've experienced the other possibility too.
I really wanna redeem myself but it only has resulted into me being extra distant with people. I've lost socializing skills and that pains me. Well at least I barely cause any problems
I really wish they had groups where you can learn to socialize again and slowly work on gaining the ability to interact with others. 'Cause I have the same problem and it's so bad as I'm literally going to be going to college in another year and be expected to socialize with others I might got to look into that to see if something even remotely similar exists. Maybe you should too, maybe there's ones out there where you don't even need to pay. Not that I know for sure, but I'm just suggesting.
Yeah let's just hope for it (๑•ㅂ•)و✧ thank you love<33
Ofc <3