I realised this with my obsessive ex, I let him be in my life bc i expect him to change and be better but no he's not going to do that and instead he's gonna make me feel like shit. I defend him in my mind "like oh he's doing this for me, he has the right intentions but the wrong actions." which is wrong bc I'm trying to gloss over what he's doing to me mentally and emotionally. I feel like shit knowing he wanted me and my online friends to break up bec he only wants my attention to him. I feel like shit they're attacked cus of me so I try to devaluate myself and give myself to him hoping he'd change. Doing anything just so he won't hurt others again cus of me and I feel like shit because I ended up hurting alot of ppl just trying to convince him that he has my attention and he doesn't need to get jealous and yadah yadah. I never even wanted to say those words I just wanted him to not hurt anyone I cared so much about. It was never freaking projection of my hate to my friends, it was freaking me trying to please him to not do anything shitty to my friends and the person I hid this secret relationship from. It was never about my dignity as someone's bf, cus god knows I won't give myself to him, it was me begging him to change and afraid of what shitty stuff he could do to everyone. I always felt guilty abt that.
![[DELETED]](https://pic1.mangapicgallery.com/r/avatar/79/u1340544_50x50.jpg?2)
Messages
He doesn't love you
He wants to control you
Men like this will grow up with a gf of 10 years. Playing these games. When they feel like they're ready to face the outside world. They'll get a job, get their shit together and you guessed it, breakup. They will marry a girl 7 or 8 months after breaking up. They'll be good to her. They'll treat her like a real partner. There's only one way you can be that girl he marries. You're gonna have to be prepared to let him go now. And wait for him to come back when he got his shit together. That is, if you still want him back.
I don't want to get back with him tbh i was only with him cus he kept wanting attention from me and I felt soooo bad everytime I didn't do so. I tried to get him to calm down and comfort him but I didn't realise what I was getting into
Hope u get better and at this point u shouldn’t try to get back with someone who will most likely never change even if they grew older