Ngl stupid of me
When i get blocked I felt like it was always the end of the world like oh no what did I do wrong? How do I fix it? Like it gets so bad that I'd send essays explaining myself + telling my entire journey on how I'm trying so hard to be a better person for them. I literally did anything just to make ppl who aren't worth it simply like me. I mean I still do feel like that because I actually fucking care how others felt during our arguments and I have to make sure some mutual friend comforts them. I'm annoyed at myself for being pathetic like this cus it's just annoying to be the only one to try to fix the relationship and feeling bad. I could easily let go what you've done but when I do so it's like I just killed your entire family and I deserve no ppl to like me. That's just shitty. I still feel like crap for my actions months ago and sometimes hurt myself over it just to forget but it won't stop unless the person told me it isn't a big deal. However If I'm going to open up abt this I'd get told to be guilt tripping and forcing them to forgive me or wtv, no i just genuinely feel bad and it eats a person up cus they actually cared abt your feelings.
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It's such a shitty feeling when ur so understanding of them but they can't be with you and will antagonise you in every stories. Calling you negative shit when you go out of your way to apologise and genuinely change urself but "you're still gonna do the same" man I'm tired. Im so damn tired. If trying to change myself, trying to apologise and validate your feelings still makes me the bad guy and u just can't end talking shit abt me. Get off.
I’m be honest, you’ll never be enough for them and that’s ok. There will be people that will continue to antagonize you because of their arbitrary reasons and that’s ok to not live up to their expectations. You shouldn’t have to expend your energy and mental wellbeing for them, especially after a certain point because they’ll continue to move the goalpost. You should live for yourself and if you’re not harming anyone or yourself and are happy as result, who cares what others think. Idk if this will help but I understand your position and was the same way. It was exhausting and felt like I wasn’t enough for the person I was with. Anyways, I wish you the best and I hope this comment helps.
Thank you <3 I just honestly wish they'd stop revealing my personal stuff that I trusted them with long time ago. I just tried to be nice and even defend them.