Emotional turmoil because of others
This is going to be a very selfish rant with no proper conclusions, maybe a few questions.
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See, I myself think my life is pretty good. I am able to handle my studies, have hobbies, am grateful, take things lightly and generally feel good.
But it seems like majority of my stress or emotional turmoil emerges because of other people's issues. There are barely a handful I really care about but everything in their lives is so so horrible or shit it effects me too much and I feel heavy or depressed for days. If I am free, I can handle it, but when I get busy with studies/work I can't handle it anymore. My thoughts are occupied with them, my mood is effected, I question small things, and get confused.
It gets tiring, so so tiring. Yes, I don't understand your misery I have never been thru it, but it hurts me when you're hurting and idk what to do because I am helpless. I feel so helpless.
It's not like I can break off an old friendship too, like what if she suicides in the future and I get to know it too late? The regret and worry before it would ruin everything in my life. I am spiralling now, but I hate how other people effect me so much. I thought I became indifferent to most people but even these 2-3 effect me so bad ah....
Is it like this for others too? I improved my mental health and habits so much, but nothing in their lives seems to ever get better and I feel worse for feeling annoyed about this because I know they're going thru worse shit.
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Well that was for the rant ;__;
Messages
I understand this and I think i was mainly the sad friend, but don't let it affect you so much bec I don't think that's what your friend would want you to feel. Just like what someone said it is not entirely your responsibility to handle their mental health, props to you for still being there for them! My friends left me haha, and you must mean alot for your friend. It's awesome that you can be there for them, but don't forget to also ofc take care of yourself! You're already doing good and trying your best, so give yourself abit more credits for being a helpful friend. It is tiring and exhausting job and I admire you for being able to handle it still, you're a good person so don't say you're selfish, you're allowed to feel these stuff.
I think she does appreciate me.... After all I have been thru her on texts over all these horrible horrible nights. I am learning to not get affected sm too, and thank you for your hearteflt appreciation
It's quite concerning when someone you care about is struggling, but you need to understand that you are nobody's savior. Maybe you want to be idk, but don't blame yourself for something you can't do. It's not your responsibility to hold their entire mental well-being on your back. It's not your battle, you can help sure but you're not the one fighting. Your win is not their loss
Sigh, I wished it heard this before, I felt the pressure for making them feel better.
I understand now that's it's not my battle... And i can't be the savior.
But slight emotional feelings are so hard to manage, maybe I should work on it to not get too effected
Most people are emotionally affected when their friends are going through a hard time, it's not an inherently bad thing. It's bad when their problems take priority over you. Don't feel bad for having empathy but do save some of that love for yourself
Empathy huh.
It’s a good thing to have, but it does have its downsides. (Of course there’s more to it regarding you’re emotional state of being)
Sumer, I’m just like you. Gosh, their emotions affect me so much I have become chronically depressed because of it. And my inherent chronic anxiety doesn’t do it justice.
Same with you huh. It’s tough isn’t it? Very tough. I wish I could give you advice, but sadly I can’t for I have yet salvaged myself. (A normal thing for when you’re an emotional wreck.) Still, I hope you find a comfort in the fact that you’re not the only one going through this, and I hope you can accept my encouraging remarks, that I truly believe you can get out of this mental torture.
You are a very caring person.
Hearing about your case made me nearly tear up.... I have never seen anyone talk about how hard it is for those who care about mentally ill people.
You've been thru worse, but from my experience what I can advice is to not get too attached or have a savior complex towards those who do have lots of issues. It's selfish, yes, but we are no angels.
Caring? Me? Hahaha... This experience has instead made me distant. I try to avoid anything emotionally heavy in my friendships, nor do I share mine. This jumble will probably get sorted out in the future... I wonder
Thank you very much for your heartfelt message. (▰˘◡˘▰)
And it seems we have another thing in common huh, because I, too, have been emotionally and physically distant from my loved ones as a cause. It sucks right, really sucks. But you know, it’s no one’s fault, and we should know not to blame ourselves in any way because of it. And you are right, we are no angels, and it’s okay to be as such. Though, may I add that it may be possible to not distant ourselves by learning to become apathetic towards our loved ones’ emotions, while still maintaining our care towards them. A bizarre and hard thing to do, but I, myself, am learning such a tactic, and let me say that it’s doing me some justice. But is it healthy? I’m sorry to say that I don’t know, it could very well be a toxic trait.
And let me say that yes, you are very caring, and you being distant is just you protecting yourself, and doing that doesn’t make you any less caring. Please take the time to heal yourself, and may I encourage you to tell your counterparts about your current situation? You don’t have to go into detail, just tell them a valid reason for your current acts of distance. I would hate for you to lose your relationships.
But yes, no one really talks about the people who care for the mentally ill. And about this jumble we both have, I wonder myself if it will get sorted out in the future.
“If there’s a will, there’s a way” is something I always believe in, so I’m going to believe in it again.
Best wishes to both of us, and I truly believe you can see the light at th end of the tunnel.
How surprising, I am have been maintaining the balance of caring genuinely yet still not getting attached too much too— it somewhat leaves me confused, and I always felt bad that I act like I care but maybe I really don't and I am deceiving them.
I actually told my friend why ibwas acting distant a while back, after which we stopped contact for a while because we were getting too busy and some other complications. I've always been very frank, thank you for the advice and I'll try to communicate such things in the future too
Things always work out one way or another and i am sure it will be a journey of experiments with our emotions- till we arrive on a correct answer and way! Best of luck to both of us, and i still hope we stay caring because a bit of kind act really lights up this world
Goodness, yes, there’s a sense of guilt in me too when I’m apathetic, but you know, objectively speaking it okay to not feel guilty, especially so when we still actively care for them. We’re only being apathetic in order to protect ourselves, so we can guarantee we can be there for them that much longer. Think of it as a military tactic for the greater good! But yes, it’s hard not to feel guilty.
Also, I need to communicate such things to my loved ones as well. Funny how I give advice I don’t even follow. Lol
I’ll be rooting for you Sumer! You got this! And I got this too! Thank you again for the heartfelt words. It was nice conversing with you.
Erm thats allat
Hehe yeah this and that
Thx for reading the rant tho :3
I can only speak for myself, but I am similar in the sense that most of my stress comes from others. It is because it is very human to absorb other’s emotions. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will start feeling negative too. And this is true if you surround yourself with positive people.
From my understanding of your post, it seems like you want to help your friend but it is taking an immense toll on you. You can listen to them and give feedback and your perspective even if you don’t truly understand what they are going through, but the sad reality is that is all you can do.
From how you are framing it, your friend is going through a really bad internal battle. If they truly want help, they will get help by whatever means necessary, but otherwise they will continue to choose to stay in the midst of that disparity.
And some advice for you the OP, don’t compare miseries. It will make you more miserable. Just because other people are going through worse things doesn’t invalidate what you are going through. You just need to have empathy for those who are going through it.
Oh she is getting therapy and getting better, but the journey before and relapses too... It's still too hard.
And oh gosh idk how I can't compare miseries— ik I shouldn't but I still end up thinking, "this isn't that hard compared to what they've been thru" And idk it may give me strength or maybe it's denial
I try not to compare, but it's still a good advice to keep in mind, thanks