what's wrong with me?
i'm unable to form any meaningful connections. i had a group of friends in hs, but i was so anxious all the time that I would literally avoid them when it got too bad and I would never hang out with them outside of school. we'd rarely even text. keep in mind i've been friends with them since 5th grade. they'd always joke about how hard it was to reach me and that after hs they'd probably never see me again (not cause they hate me but because i'm so unreachable). whenever we would see each other at school/in class we were close friends and on grad day we took many pictures as a group and it was fun. after grad though since we never really texted (they text just not with me) we grew apart. they reach out to me individually to talk sometimes (i've never been able to reach out in my life). so that's the extent of my hs friendship. i feel like i'll see them some time and it'll be like the old days still.. i just finished my 1st year of uni and contrary to my belief did make another friend group. again i would always avoid them when my anxiety got too bad, but they'd drag me to their dorms and we'd hang out pretty often. but once again i refuse to go off campus with them. now during the summer we used to send tiktoks or even text. but stopped after a while. my friends even tried face timing me (i came up with an excuse then never face timed after). eventually, i needed to get a new number and I still haven't told them it. and now it's just a standstill. they don't have my number, but they could still reach out to me through other things. not that it's on them to reach out to me. i'm rooming with my friends next year so we'll still be friends though. just feel like i'll be even more anxious now that i have no where to run.
i think i have an issue. people always come to me and somehow i push them away always. my mind can't seem to tell the difference between a friend and a stranger. i'm anxious around them all the same.
what is wrong with me?
(feel free to ask clarifying questions)
I ain't reading all that and idk what's wrong with you
1 reply
15 07,2024