How was your 1st date ? (Horrible)

from my pov this date sucked and i dont wanna experience it again.
This was my first and last date ive ever been on with this dude i was dating for a month. So BACKSTORY: his friend and i had something but it was more like a situationship and then bro gosthed me. Lets call his friend liam. liam was hella nice but like it was awkard since 1 i didnt go to the same skl as him and 2 we never really talked outside of the friend group i was in. After i finally got over bro which took me months i ended up liking his friend (we gon call him matt) somehow since he was nice as well and we used to talk a lot on the bus anyway. Turns out he did like me back after i (unfortunatley) went threw insta basically searching for this dude so i could talk to him. SO we talked for a bit and then it took off but when it was getting closer to the point he wanted more i had second thoughts. He asked me out a couple times but i rejected it cause at the time i didnt know if he was being serious or not and i just felt like i wasnt ready after i went threw the whole struggle of getting to know him???? ( i was so confused on wether i acc liked him or if i just wanted to feel loved by someone) I accepted after a while of him asking tho. End of backstory

The day of the date i wore this cute dress and what not and got all pretty pretty but deep down i felt scared, ugly and fake and i really didnt wanna go anymore but i already said yes and i didnt wanna leave the poor dude hanging. I ended of seeing my hs teacher and shit was so awkard.. i did not want anybody to see us together.

We ended up watching Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire which was a good movie ngl and it took my mind off of things.When we were searching for our seats sum ppl took ours so we took someone else and they ended up showing up so we had to movie but i was fucking scared and he looked like he was about to break down so we ended up leaving and went to call my sister since she was there too and she ended up telling the ppl in our seats to move.

I had to reassure him it was okay when in reality it was not okay and i felt like just going back home. Anywho after that disaster we watched the dam thing while holding hands since he was still scared and whatnot. (it was these big ass adult agaisnt us 2 teens). Movie ended and we went home and in the CAR not the park or the tiny island in the lake but the car he decided to ask em to be his gf..(getting long af)

Half way threw april i decided i wanted to break up with him so i slowly withdrew myself away from him and responded late to his messages and at the end of the month i broke up with him using morse code bc i didnt wanna outright say it. (￣∇￣")

Awkard i know... Turns out im lesbian(i think) and i really want a Girlfriend so baddd like why is teenage love so hard to find.I keep trying to force myself to have a "normal" relationship but i just keep seeing all these pretty girls around me like dam madam may i have ur hand in marriage?? And my whole family is homophobic and straight so what tf am i supposed to do idek how to talk to people much less girls romantically ╥﹏╥