Ranting my past

Back when things were lot more chaotic in my household, my brother used to abuse me with no specific reason? And i have to stay silent since he was blackmailing me, no one was by my side at that moment, my mom was too busy working 9-5 and came back home later at night.

Like what the hell am I supposed to say? And make her feel like she failed as a mother (yes she failed), but yeah i kept it to myself since i don’t know what to do, but the abuse was getting much worse by then and guess how old i was? I was 8 years old.

Bruh i felt sorry for my younger self, i used to ponder near the fish pond around my house and thinking to myself if i should just end myself right here and there, so I don’t have to go through this bullshit.

But yeah, never talked to anyone for the next couple of years about this, no one knew except for me and him, he has changed i guess? The abuse stopped after 4 years but never got any sorry from him.

Do i still hate him? Not really? Like I’m too tired and lazy to hate him, just feel sad about how my younger self have to go through shit like that.

And finally i get to go to the therapist for the first next week lol, wish me luck.

Ps, yeah i know I’m not exactly “tried” ending myself but still the thoughts of it could be counted, right? Yeah don’t know.

If anyone reading this, please just hang on and get some help, try and find someone who could support you no matter what happen, hope you could heal all the wounds inside!