I dropped out of collage because I liked my own best friend

Been diagnosed with depression,mentally unstable plus with undiagnosed anxiety.I meet my friend just this year from collage and I've become mentally attached to her,it's not like I liked her because she's pretty, because I felt very close to her and she would opened up about her story to me,I would listen all day long and later on I become emotionally attached to her because I felt pity for her, it wasn't something about her appearance but rather than that,

I liked her because I felt that she needs to be protected, and then months passed and I realised that I loves her more than a "crush" but I'm too naive to notice that me and her both needed help.

She couldn't feel the same,I would always asked her what's her sexuality,she told me that she's asexual(plus our religion) So I would keep my feelings for months and it eats me slowly.

I would feel so jealous whenever she talks to someone else or having a new friend, funny story is that we couldn't handle each other's eyes contact because I would feel awkward because I thought she knew abt my feelings

Then I decided to stop studying,focusing on myself and stop thinking about her, tbh it felt great, however I feel bad for her because I ignored her all the time now that I stopped going to collage. I can't help it but my feelings said otherwise. And here I am being jobless and cried myself to sleep everyday :)