A few times

About 4 years ago, I was dropped out my bachelor's program, continuously failed classes, diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, was rejected for re-enrollment in our university, my father died and just a year after his death, men started to lurk around my mom, courting her.
Needless to say, I had enough. I refused to eat. I constantly left home. I purposely wanted to harm myself. I cut off a lot people, even those who offered help. I even have a whole stash of suicide notes with tear stains and writings I couldn't recognize anymore. I felt so useless and unneeded. My father's death was the last straw because he always believed in me no matter what. My mom is always supportive too but when the suitors flocked in, I felt like I had no purpose as a daughter anymore seeing as others could make her and my siblings secure anyway.
But... I found my reason to get back on track. Frankly, it was a bizarre reason but nevertheless, I'm thankful for it. Because of those people, I accepted psychological treatment for PTSD and anxiety coz before that, I refused to get better. I didn't trust anyone could understand how I felt. I didn't trust anyone could make it better. I didn't trust that someone could help clear the haze in my mind.
I'm glad that when I did, I was allowed to pour all my worries out and I wasn't judged as opposed to how I thought I would be.
So please.... please, if you are in the void..... I urge you to reach out. There are people who can help and who won't judge us. Know that you are not alone.