Traumatic
He was older than me and an asshole to anyone else but me at least that was what I used to think he would always flirt with me and I was always clinging to him as if I can’t live without him I remember going to see him at his school with his mother being all smiley lol but he manipulated me into bullying this younger guy that liked me I feel sorry about him now as I’m typing this seriously but I had some serious issues sooo I did whatever he told me without even questioning it until one day I had to move cities and never saw him again still not even sure if I ever loved him or I was just attached to him because I never got attention from my dad at that time
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So this guy was a subtitute of your dad, because you were craving for your dad attention and you were ready to do anything to keep him by your side?
It's kind of a traumatic event, you were manipulated, bullied someone even though you didn't want to, and you lost your "pillar"
Yes you worded this perfectly thank you. I struggled to understand how he just used me and how stupid I was to do whatever he told me just because I saw him as my “protector” my daddy issues were really bad