Taking control of my life n realising self worth

Over the past few years (during and after lockdown), I've had the most depressive state of mind. I was becoming more n more insecure, seeing pretty girls on reels n feeling ugly af. I know I am pretty, but then I was never able to actually accept that fact. Even if someone would compliment me, I'd just brush it off saying, "Oh, you're just being nice" n continue thinking people just lie to not be rude. I looked at the mirror n felt ugly, my body which is a lil curvy, felt like a whole whale fr... When in fact, I'm just healthy n okay... Craving male attention was also something I developed during lockdown. I didn't realize how badly I was treating myself; I would really pierce my wrist w a pencil to scar myself bcoz of how much I started hating myself. Isolation was really making me depressed n after my dad passed away, I had to really struggle a lot even more. I hated being born into a poor family n I hated everyone... I wanted to escape n in this isolation, I was dugging myself deeper into more isolation as I didn't want to let others see me in this state. I even failed to qualify for medical college n haven't been enrolled in college.

Fast forward a few years, I am now trying to love myself. I'm trying to accept that I'm okay n things will improve for the better... I'm okay w not getting male attention as what I crave should be more towards my career n ambitions. Focusing on my studies, prioritising my family n few loyal friends I have. Taking a break frm social media, not watching reels sm n feeling insecure bcoz the other girls r so pretty. Y'all also, besties take care of urself.. live in the reality n i hop to see y'all shine in ur career or whatever plans y'all have. I'm also studying hard to get into medical college this year. Hopefully the path forward is better than the pavements I've through through so far