I don't know if it'll stay up or not

Hii,, just trauma dumping here... Please don't judge if you don't like it don't read thanks. Since I don't have anywhere else to talk about this I decided to write it here...

So.. I've been raped by my brother who is 10 years older than me. It happened when I was 13 and he touched me when I was sleeping. I didn't understand it by that time what happened. And thought it was normal because I was also touch sexually by another man when I was 5. I forgot about it all but at 14 when my mom died my bro started to get closer to me giving me stuff and cheering me up I thought that it was just an accident?? but no it was not. One day I was sitting in his room and he forcefully touched me and it escalated and he went all the way. It had been going on for about 4 years and he just said it was normal and ""I love you very much"" etc etc. I couldn't tell anyone even now I'm fucking writing here haha.. I belong to a Muslim country and if I tell anyone what happened to me or what I've done they will surly put the blame on me.. that's why I can't do that. I'm now 20 and I still have to live with him. Because I don't have a home nor any parents to live with I'm all alone no money nothing.

The only thing I want is to leave him as early as possible and it is so hard to make money as a female in a Muslim country I just don't know what to do. He has told everyone that he has fucked his sister (his friends online) and it becomes very hard to bare I wish it had never happened. I hope everyday that I was never born. Terrible people exist and they do terrible things to young people.

Thank you for reading my rant I'm very happy you're here.