My teen life with Depression?
i shouldn't be on this god forsaken illegal website to even talk about this but i can't even tell my parents and friends about myself. By the title you will tell that this is going to be.. something! very personal thats for sure. i do want to come straightforward to say that i am planning to just go and disappear one day but i guess i can't, i want to so so badly but i have nothing to use. apparently there's nothing called a "painless death" or well i could be wrong. but yes if you may have guessed i want to have a painless death just like other people would want of course. Oh I forgot to mention why there's a ""?"" on the title it's because i'm not diagnosed with it. my mum and well my family knows that i've self harmed multiple times in the past 1 was when i was around 11-12 years old, then i stopped for a couple of years which was good for me. the others have been around 1-2 years ago and just this year. the guilt and shame i have for doing this.. i feel so incredibly sorry for my family to know they have someone like me as their family, Well it's not like i asked to be here just like everyone else on this planet. So I can't exactly blame my parents for bringing me here...
i have suicidal thoughts thats for sure. they come and go to be honest. they mostly come when im either not having anything occupying my mind or when i just wake up feeling just low and feeling empty? (they also come VERY randomly throughout the day) yes im not exactly sure how to describe it but just getting out of bed is such a hard task now that im in college its hard, so incredibly hard. i've been getting up at 6am in the morning and it's been tough on my mental health, I'm not sure what to do.. i have severe anxiety so i can't just go call the doctors on what's going on about me, to be frank i can't even open the door to the royal mail without my body freezing up and my heart beating out of my chest. sometimes i just tell myself that i am okay, and that what im feeling is just sadness and it'll go away though in the back of my mind i know thats wrong. i've had help in the past but it never worked, sure i had that sigh of relief after finishing that phone call but maybe after a day i just fall back into that horrible cycle again..
this is so sudden and i should be heading to bed soon anyways.. i just want to let you know that if anyone out there has been feeling the same way as I am, you are not alone even if you think you are, or not i don't know. and i know how fucking tough it is to reach out to your family, it's so hard. even to strangers or people who are trying to help. It's tough.
It's really really tough. </3
Love you all.. xx
Messages
:( i rly hope that you don't go through with kys one day and hope that you'll be able to find a spark in life that gets rid of those bad thoughts. Bc I too have felt a similar way for a long time until recently (although it comes back every now and then). I just try to push through day by day looking for something to look forward to. And, just as u said urself ur not alone and sometimes reaching out to strangers (who are good) can be a good thing if u can't talk to ur family.
Not too long ago I was moved by a quote I saw that said, "I want to see what happens if I don't give up," and that gave me a lil push to see what I can make of this life I've been given.
Thank you for being brave enough to share ur struggles and know that there's so much more ahead of you~
Lots of love back at you as well as huggies~
thank you also for replying to me, i do have something i look forward to in a way.. i do art so that makes me feel some kind of joy and relief. I'd say it's a big passion of mine i enjoy.
but that quote does sound inspirational. though i don't get moved by them it kinda hit the spot in my heart (in a good way of course).
thank you yet again for replying to me and not giving up on me.. i really do hope so many good things happen to you this year, the next and well every year. <33
ahhh ofc and much appreciation for ur kind words you got this! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
please seek help or get diagnosed, obviously your life wont change that easily when you do but it is a start. for me antidepressants help with anxiety more than depression honestly. you should not feel guilty for needing help. asking for others should be warranted when you are going through a rough patch in your life. and there is no such thing as a painless death aside from dying in your sleep. but even then you can have severe pain from it. I don't know what your family situation is like so I cant promise anything about how they feel but you are not a mistake, or failure or a burden to your family. you are you, and you try your hardest to keep going and nothing can change or amount to that. you are worthy of love and acceptance. you will be okay. and this phase will not describe your entire life. you can keep going, and keep working hard to live life moderately to content. I believe in you gang
thank you for replying, but yes i will try and get myself diagnosed but im not sure how long it'll take since here in the uk its pretty bad with stuff like that but i'll see what i can do :))
i read the all of it and i'll keep my word to get myself diagnosed from the doctors, i do hold some hope in my heart (i wanna be an artist hah) anyways, yeah i do have a dream that i hold dear to me, yet again, thank you. <3
never forget that dream!!! I believe you can do it. and thank you, I hope you do get diagnosed and deserve the treatment you need. and of course, if you ever need someone to vent or ask for advice ill always be here no cap.
thank you so much, i'll hold that dearly!