How one chapter/episode broke me

I don't even know his real name and ever since I read the manga and also watched the episode I never have been the same... I might sound dramatic especially since these are just pixels... He is real for me! He is like a real person to me and his passing shattered me.
I also started to view life and death from another perspective... If you don't accept death you never had truly lived. For ever beginning there is an end, ofc the end that nameless boy faced was a cruel and tragic. Dying next to your already dead friend, having still hope that your family and other friends will return, still hoping to be able to eat a fruit... so bitter...
when the anime got out I rewatched episode 1 every day... I even couldn't go to school bc I cried so hard and I was unable to get out of bed, idk why but the fate and the story reminded me of something I've been through in a similar way, this feeling of being alone and being still hopeful till reality hits you... Idk it just triggered me so hard and my brain was addicted to that sadness. I kept watching the 1st episode over and over again, I listened to the soundtrack and to the song Pink Blood on loop, it felt so good to cry so much. I also hated it.

The frustrating part is the rest of the manga and how the author chose a weird story direction. For me the manga/anime ended with episode 1. I also refused to continue the anime since hearing the music and the voice actor made me tremble each time. I check in on the manga but it is disappointing.


It also is so fascinating that a melody can trigger an emotion ... Even if the melody is not the same but resembles the original one, you still have those same emotions that overcome you and remind you of a true event or feeling/thought.
Any melody that comes even close to Pink Blood has me sobbing and crying rivers.