Wasn't cool lmao

I fell in love. And it pretty much was the worst thing that could've happened to me.
Like everyone else, I've always had a few crushes, but I've never felt anything romantic towards them, so I just watched them from afar.
But last year, there was someone. A girl. She was the kindest, the most beautiful person I've ever seen. Her smile and her jokes made my heart flutter like it never did. It was love at first sight.
At first I thought I could watch her from afar like I always did. But I couldn't. I wanted to be with her, to laugh with her, to hold hands with her, to hug and kiss her. I was deep in love for the first time with this girl who was a year older than me.
I told her my feelings something like 6-7 months after our encounter. She told me she needed time, but things just grew up very romanticaly between us by itself.
We started going out, and I was the happiest person on Earth. Idk. I've never had much confidence in myself, but she was the reason why I started taking care of myself. I wanted her to be proud of me and to love me more and more like it was my case.
But she didn't.
Last august, I came out to my parents because I wanted to love her without hiding it from them. My mother told me that is was a phase and that I didn't really know what I wanted since I was still too young.
That's were things started to go down.
I lost all the confidence I tried to gain from the last months, I felt alone and I kept telling myself that I would never be able to love her freely, since I wasn't good enough anyways. Plus, both our families weren't really open minded about being gay, lesbian or anything.
When I tried to talk to her about how I felt, she grew herself distant from me, and when school started, she didn't reply to my messages for two weeks. And then, late september, she broke up with me.

Like I said sooner, I've never been confident about myself. She was everything for me. But she still left me when I started showing her my anxiety.
After that, I stopped talking to most of my friends and didn't have enough strenght to go to school. I cried every night because I missed her, her messages and her smiles. It was just as if I had lost my soul.
Soon after, my mother became very sick and my health conditions got worse. I've had insomnia since then. I can't even close my eyes without having her image popping up.

My first love story somehow destroyed me. I wish I never fell in love.


PS: Sorry about my english- I can understand people talking pretty well but I don't know of to write help