does this even count?

i've never experienced it but i sometimes wonder how people can love when even the happiness it brings is vulnerable, heartbreak sounds very painful too. i never want to hurt someone so im scared of being loved but also believe i can fall in love along the way. i'm all over the place anyways.

i wonder what it feels like tho, i want to love someone just to have a special person in my life sounds really cool, it could just be something sensual and i would cherish it with my life.

i'm so scared of heartbreak or rejection that i have never loved someone before, i know myself and how easily emotionally i get attached to things so it would be a disaster for me.