Tried
In middle school, I’ve contemplated many times about killing myself and I even came close in middle school, but chickened out the last minute. I had self harmed a few times... but i got too scared cuz I might get caught at school or sth so I stopped. Freshmen year of high school, I really started giving up so I’d come home from school and just sleep my evenings away and even stopped studying for school. Finally, I had enough and actually put the knife to my wrist, getting ready to slice through my arm (vertically) until I saw the blood.. and chickened out yet again though it was the furthest I’ve gone... that’s really all my experience is. I’ve gotten better and haven’t told anyone about any of this (except now lmao).. I’m still in highschool and for those who’re out there struggling, I can’t say it gets better, but I’m trying to get through it, and I think it’s better to give life another chance.... :))
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I remember being in middle school and I tried to cut myself with a dull eyebrow razor that barely did the trick, all it did was give a small scratch, but that was enough for me since I didn't like pain. I use to do it on my shoulder for the four times I was brave enough to try, but I never gave myself a cut that was enough to draw any sort of blood. Going into high school which I'm still in now, I decided I wasn't some little girl anymore and I wanted to prove to myself that I am strong, and I can endure the pain. Well it worked, a little too well might I add. I cut myself every single day, and even up to this day I still do. I guess it's not as bad as it used to be, I'm only doing it when I need to blow off some steam or if I'm extremely upset. I'm starting counseling next week though, so maybe my whole thing of wanting to be dead every single second of the day will be fixed. I'm glad I could find someone who understands and is going through/went through what I'm dealing with now(๑•ㅂ•)و✧