Manipulation
I can think of a few I personally rank worse than this but this is the one I'm most comfortable sharing.
Okay, from sixth grade year up until maybe a year ago, I amused myself by basically using people I knew as a personal play. People came to me a lot as a glorified therapist of sorts, even people I'd never met who were "referred" to me. I was often told how comforting it was to talk to me because I'd never tell anyone else which wasn't true from the beginning.
Because I knew the entire life story (or almost that) of about half the population the three schools I went to over those years, I used the things I knew people liked, loved, hated, were hurt by, ect to rip friends apart, bring others together, break groups, spread rumors, wreck relationships... you name it.
I got a bit dunk on the faux power until sophomore year when I met my best friend who was the purest most spiritual person out there. I started to distance myself from the shitty person I was because of him. He killed himself a year later (no relation to myself) and I went directly back to where I'd been and a year after that, I'm here, relatively uninvolved with other people's lives.
TL;DR: I'm a manipulative shit.
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For me I actually never fell for manipulative people. I don't know why really maybe I have trust issues or something.
But in late elementary to secondary my best friend use to fall for it all the time, and I took it upon myself to seek them out. Each time she befriended someone I'd observe the way they act, there expressions and tone. And what amazed me is that I haven't been wrong yet. o-o I'm kinda waiting to be wrong too.
of course after a while like mid highschool my friend has gotten a lot sharper which is good or bad depending on how you see it cause it means she's not as trusting as she use to be.
But I think it's wonderful that your distancing yourself from the old you. It's better than not making the effort to change at all like one person my friend befriended.... Who's going to a special school now due to many complaints from students.
I used to have a friend in middle school. She creeped with me before my birthday or didn't come, argued no reason, talked shit behind my back bla bla bla... All my friend avoided me and talked disrespectful about me because of things I did not to. Middle school and secondary school a nightmare for me. And 10 years later, I disgraced her in public because of she said about country issues, she could not go into society. She moved another city 2 years ago.
And my father and mother get divorced when I was 2. I still stay my mom. My father maried another woman when I was 8. He had a another child from her and he acted like I am a excess. Than I didn't pick his phone calls and ignored him. When I entered 18, I proscuted and won. He paying me his half of salary now.
I was so sad, I entered depression but I didn't kill myself because of piece of shits.
They used my goodwill. Well, I was pure and a good kid that times but now I feel like queasy again after read your confession, people like you are disgusting.
Sorry that happened to you, nice to here you came out relatively on top. Your opinion on me as a person is your own so you're free to have it. I don't particularly care though. Thanks for sharing all the same :)
It is my pleasure :)
Hmm, sounds like you are a machiavellianist. Or have mild psychopathy. No offense.
None taken; considered and tested for both socio & psychopathy, and came out with a diagnosis for (mild) BPD, dysthymia w/ MDD epidsodes, and PTSD. (sorry for flinging acronyms around, I'm too lazy to write them out at the moment.)
If you got diagnosed with those things instead of psychopathy I can see your manipulative personality being a coping/survival mechanism. If you can control others then you're safe, that kind of thing
I usually have good morals and I rarely manipulate or lie, but when I do I am quite good at it and I often try to manipulate/appeal to other people's sympathy because I am a really anxious person and I want to be safe lol
I hope you're getting help, mostly for your own sake, and that you're doing better