Sadism
There are so many. But the one that popped up: my first sub (as in BDSM), I've been cutting his back with my piercing, and I was really, REALLY enyoing it, but I've failed to see he hated it. In one moment he stood up, ran under the shower and after 10 minutes came out shaking. In that moment I didn't even know how to take care of him, in my head there was an echo ''why didn't he say the safe word, why didn't he...''.
In the end, he only did it because I wanted it. We've been a bad match from a beginning, he was into dollification, sissification and me into sadism, brainwashing. So kids, talk it out and don't start anything with a missmatch just because you haven't met somebody with similiar fetishes. And my god, the aftercare. Not being able to do it, that is the worst part of my sin.
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It's a good sign you realize it could be bad, at the same time I feel like sometimes it's okay to do something you don't like to please your partner? Maybe I am just fucked in the head :/
Our relationship was specifically a dom/sub kind. So it was necessary for both to enjoy, for me to see his limits, ... And that situation was was just soooo over the top, it wasn't just ''ooow that actually hurt''
This post made me curious so I looked up the terms OP used. Been in kinkly.com for the last 2 hours holyshit. That stuff is interesting!!
Haha :D Welcome to the other side :P
I sound like a creep. Don't listen to me lol
IKR!! I didn't even know I wanted a dom until I started reading on it holyshoot! But finding a good one sounds hella hard.
You can check fetlife.com. I don't know how it is in your country, but here they have meetings. And I don't mean meetings as in group sex, ... One time, they were teaching rope bondage (google shibari, f-ing awesome).
First meet up with some people, mingle, learn. Don't search for somebody yet. And of course watch with who and where you meet up, there are a lot of weird characters around. I'd suggest you find a sub to talk about it. Or look closely at your friends, there is always at least one :P
Just opened the page for fetlife & it's making me sO nervous!! What if the people think I'm gross for being so unknowledgeable and curious?? oh god.
Just googled shibari, too. You really are driving me down a rabbit hole, huh. Looking at those models made me feel like a teenager reading naughty stuff for the first time LOL I can't stop the racing of my heart I feel like I'm going to pass out ┗( T﹏T )┛Even thinking about feeling yourself get numb and aching from being restrained for too long is getting me worked up. When did my parents raised such a pervert oh god.
I'll take your advice.
Also, I dont have friends omf
Where do people get this ideas, why would you be found gross, especially in this kind of world :D I was the same when I found out about it, almost got myself a slave. Not kidding, talked with him for 2 months, about how would it go if I'd taken him in. But I get bored easily and I would've thrown him out in a couple of months, so I declined in the end.
No friends? You're such a perfect target. You especially should watch out for abusive doms.
I've been messaging so many people for the last few hours. Everybody is so friendly~ But, yes, I'm weary that people might try to take advantage of me.
Feels like this is the day I've changed you forever. Well, enjoy your new life :D
Yeaaah, I feel like I've been dragged into a dark hole, but I guess I'm fine with it lol
oh my lol
Haha it's ok :D It's good you're asking questions, because you'll never get the necessary knowledge from novels and such.
It depends. You can be in bf/gf relationship and also BDSM, where you must have strict lines when it is time to play and when not. There are also only BDSM relationships, where you also grow a strong bond, in a way you love the other person. Might be even stronger than in normal ones, since here you must have 100% trust in them.
Now for me personally, I'm a piece of shit. I would never be able to love and be in a relationship with a person I'm doing this. To me, they're there for my personal enjoyment and nothing else. Even after it ends, I still see them as less worthy. I don't respect them. A reason why I tend to avoid it.
With the first one was a bit different, because I was still trying to figure out how to have a relationship without having one. But yes, even now I still see him as less worthy than other people.
Aftercare is both. Example: sub is kind of ''high'' during a play (because of the play) and when it stops, when he's coming down, this is when he starts feeling all the pain. So this is also why it's good to know when to stop, because during it he will not be always able to tell you.
Hi ,
I am not into BDSM or anything but I am really curious about it. Now, I know how it usually works from gay novels that I read once, but just a general idea. I know that safewords are absolutely necessary and usually the couple consist of a dom and sub. Now, what I am interested in is emotional aspect of both dom and sub. Also, PrinceVegata spoke about "aftercare", what is it exactly? If its emotional or physical or both? I hope no one minds my questions. I am just curious and am no way intend to offend anyone.
I hope you don't mind me hopping in to answer, I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to BDSM related things haha.
I'll start with aftercare: a scene (BDSM activities; can also just be called play or what have you) can be pretty mentally and physically exhausting for both partners, though more often for the sub. For example: after humiliation & pain play, a sub will require aftercare. This would consist of tactile comfort and minor medical attention and cleaning if necessary. The tactile comfort/ comfort in general part is overlooked more often because seeing the consequences of not giving it is more gradual than immediate. Continuing with the example I gave, after being called a myriad of derogatory names and being generally humiliated, it's pretty likely that a sub will feel like shit or just in need of reassurance. Just because the things done to them are things they enjoy in bed doesn't mean the words/acts are forgotten, hence the need to comfort.
All that is still not even touching subspace, which is a whole rodeo of it's own that I would love to explain but would take an addition paragraph or two considering how long winded I am. I would love to ramble about the emotional aspect between doms and subs but I'm not quite sure of what you mean. Perhaps I'm just not getting it in the moment but the question seems general enough that I'm unsure of where to start.
No offense taken on my part by the way, it's always nice to see people get interested in something :) Hope I helped in some way!
Thanks a lot! You got what I was trying to ask correct. It makes sense. Even as someone not into BDSM, I understand that the scenes induce strong emotions in both dom and sub and thus can be emotionally draining, thus emotional comfort must be provided.
I just have a vague idea about subspace. Frankly, I think BDSM scenes that I read in novels are quite mild then it often really is. Infact, if its too explicit my heart won't be able to take it, cause I am too empathetic. I literally feel the pain for the characters even if they are not real.
I actually went into a site for BDSM coaching and read something about commands signals, rules and so on. Its a bit scary, to be honest lol. But, I do understand that its not violence or abuse, it involves absolute honesty and mutual consent.
Again, thanks for the reply. (●'◡'●)ﾉ
As terrible as that sounds, it does sound like it gave you the basis you needed to always be sure to communicate with your partner. I clicked away from a manga to reply to this because BDSM related things always hit me a bit. My current partner and myself are a bit mismatched (though I don't know how to go about telling him that despite how often and honestly we talk because I'm his first and he's... I don't even know how to explain it.)
We have the same tastes to a point (both sadistic, both switches) but we also both lean more to subbing which... doesn't work out as well as we want it to.
This post reminded me to have a conversation I've been avoiding like the plague and while I don't have the balls to do it right now (we're an LDR and it's a conversation I'd rather have after I'm done moving closer to him in a month) I'll be sure to address it.
I've gone on about myself for long enough so, basically, thanks for sharing your experience. You've helped me remember I've got some shit to sort out.
Clicked away from a manga, I feel honoured :D
Good luck with the talk, but it is looong overdue. Should've had it before you've decided to move (if he's the reason for it).
Oh it's hella overddue. I don't think it'll go badly at all because we're both open to grow and change and we've both expressed more major problems that we've worked around and sorted, I'm just generally less comfortable expressing my wants as far as BDSM goes.
Well then. Write him a letter and make him read it in front of you. I don't know, I have this need to give an advice, if you want it or not xD
Haha, I might do. No problem, I'm open to advice, thanks :D