Why did the fuck you leave me

I miss my old friend. He was the same age as me. We were friends from a very young age. I lost contact with him three years ago when his mother died of a car accident. He hasn't called since. I don't know where he is or what he's doing. I'm just very worried about him. It's been 3 years but I still think about him. I love him, I don't know if it is platonic or romantic. I just never wanted him to leave me. We both had so many dreams together. We'd just fantasize about living our best lives and travelling together when we grow up.
Damn i'm crying now